[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Senators Forced to Spell Title With Small ‘s’ Due to Their Cowardice

Besides calling them “senators,” citizens also think they should sit in the corner with a dunce cap on

Americans, sick of the kowtowing and cowardice of their elected officials in the face of NRA intimidation when voting to defeat even the most reasonable of gun control, have elected to force the Senators to use a small ‘s’ in front of their once proud title. The effect of this new development has been surprisingly humiliating to the Senators…oops, excuse me – “senators.”

prohibition, Senator
Photo from the Library of Congress.

A visibly upset senator James Grabcash, scion of a family well entrenched in the tobacco industry, was almost to the point of tears when interviewed. “I fought long and hard to become a senator! My family had to pay off so many people to get me through law school and into this position so that I kept up the family tradition of remaining in the upper crust! You can’t just take that away from me! The NRA didn’t give me that much campaign money that it is worth losing my prestige!”

An unapologetic senator Joe Greasepalm, whose family had made millions in illegal bootlegging during Prohibition, was livid over the situation. “Ah am a man of honor. As a Senator which I am saying with a capital ‘S’ whether you like it or not, Ah have been involved in many important issues during my tenure. I supported giving the big businesses taxpayer money for a bailout although they made colossal errors due to blind greed. Ah was entirely supportive of the banks foreclosing people out of their homes for the colossal mistake of trusting their banks. Ah supported sending our young working class people off to die meaninglessly in Iraq while meaninglessly killing many innocent Iraqis. As you can see, Ah have paid mah dues! Ah deserve the respect of spelling my hardly earned…ah mean, mah hard earned title of ‘Senator.’ With a capital ‘S’, if you please!”

A rather sniffy senator Uppherr Krust was appalled by the new regulation. “I don’t see at all what all the fuss is about! I don’t see any problem with people owning whatever guns they want. There is all this talk about gun violence. I think it is a load of rubbish. I live in a restricted entry, all white gated community and I have never seen the slightest bit of violence. Well, except for our dear little boys constantly shooting squirrels and birds out of trees and occasionally a neighbors dog. But what the heck, they are only kids. We want our kids should know that they are special and can do whatever they want. No restrictions like all those middle class kids have.”

Many visitors to various Senate chambers have been intentionally uttering the senators title with a pronounced ‘ssssssssss’ sound, much like the hissing of a snake. The symbology is not lost on most of the senators.

Roger Freed