[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Lysol Introduces a Rubber That Really Erases

She’ll love that you cleaned up your act with Lysol condoms!

Lysol, famed for producing powerful toilet bowl cleaner, has just released a game-changing condom that they claim kills almost all sexually transmitted infections, including herpes, HIV and HPV. Before modern contraceptive methods, Lysol was actually used as a popular douche and birth control method.

Lysol doucheCurrently manufacturing the condom laced with chlorinated hydantoins, the same ingredient found in its toilet cleaner, according to Johnny Sheath, Lysol’s marketing executive, ” Chlorinated hydantoins, a mixture of amino acids and urea, is effective in killing 99.9% of sexually transmitted infections.”

STIs are on the rise in the USA. One in 5 adults over 25 are affected by genital herpes, with some people, such as Jeff Ross, regularly suffering from facial herpes.

“STIs account for an estimated $26 billion of the health care system annually because of the 9 million new cases each year, and that’s just in Texas,” remarked Mr. Sheath

Concluding the interview, Sheath remarked, “Our new condom, which does not boast any sort of enhanced pleasure and will sting your pecker like an angry bee, promises to change your sex life like no other product on the market.”