Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Yeah, the ones who need a dress code at Walmart are the customers.
Justin Bieber strips after getting booed at Fashion Rocks
I guess one way to stop boos is to get them laughing.
Miley Cyrus wears pasties instead of a shirt
If that info didn’t bring Joan RIvers back to life, nothing will.
Orthodox Jews seeking new home in Guatemala
Well, the country was known as Guatemalaberg before it changed its name.
BP was just found grossly negligent in the gulf oil spill disaster
On the up side, people can still just back up to the gulf to fill ‘er up.
Sarah Palin clan reportedly involved in huge drunken brawl
Good thing they quit in the middle or someone might have got hurt.
Burger King is serving up an all black bun in Japan
I hear it’s going to be known as the Burger Don King.
Here are all the volcanoes in the US — and how dangerous they are
Oh look, there’s Alec Baldwin.
ISIS claims it now has terrorist cells in India
Great, now even the terrorists are outsourcing.
Ray Donovan’ star Steven Bauer, 57, steps out with 18-year-old girlfriend
Well, someone had to pick her up after her 1st day back in H.S.
Summer break over, must-do tasks await Congress
Number 1: Make reservations for that next vacation.
Apple to give away U2’s new album on iTunes
They were going to pay folks to take Justin Bieber’s new album, but even Apple doesn’t have that much cash.