Bait & Switch with Durbin: Used Car Salesman 101

Always be closing… always be closing


“Come on in folks.  The Bill in the Newspaper Ad?”

“Gee, I believe we just sold that one — but we have another special though.  A Bill just like that one — actually a better Bill.”

“Lindsey, pass around the Sweet Tea & tuck in your shirt — we’ve got company!”

“Is that your broken down… oops, sorry — Trade-in Bill I see in the Archives Lot?”

“Uh huh — what do you feel your Bill is worth?  You don’t have any idea — good.  I mean, let me ask you this…”

“If I could get you say 4 billion for your trade-in & 14 billion for the new Bill — would you be interested in taking that Bill home today?”

“You say the Bill has too many extras in it — you mean like Barron’s Braces, Melania’s Golf Lessons — the Wall?”

“I see you brought the little woman with you today.”

“How ya doin’ Ma’am — you look nice & cool today.  What’s your name?  Why, that’s my Mother’s name!”

“Why don’t you try the Bill out now.  When you test it out — notice the new Bill smell!”

“The Sticker price means nothing — work with me!”

“But you gotta know — by the time we get that Bill here, get it detailed, inspected, completely altered; we’ve got hundreds in it already.”

Trump, Durbin

“But, I’m telling you — with the Saturday buyers here tomorrow, that Bill will be gone in a matter of hours.”

“Listen folks, I’m within one Bill — your Bill of making the all-time quarterly sales high for the Republicans & a trip for me & the Mrs. to Mar-a-LEGO — our new Amusement Park!”

“Okay, because I like you — let me do this.  Let’s see what we can take off.”

“Let me go back to the Oval to talk to my Vi — okay, somebody’s still there.  Don’t go away!”

“Where’d they all go?”

“Damn, I was ready to throw in dipsticks, Mitch & Ryan!”

Marilyn Sands