Helsinki Summit 2 Hour Transcript Found on eBay

Helsinki Summit

Who said there isn’t a transcript of the Trump/Putin Helsinki Summit?  You’d be surprised at all the ‘down time’ on it!

I happened to find this on eBay — okay, no free shipping, but…

TRUMP

Got any 9’s?

PUTIN

Go Fish!

TRUMP

You do too – turn that 6 around & stop playing dumb!

PUTIN

How do you know I have 6’s?

TRUMP

I don’t – I just read “KGB For Dummies”!

TRUMP

Ah, friendship – remember when you wouldn’t give me the time of day – but see; I’m like a dog with a bone.

PUTIN

You like Thugs – I like Puppets.  Speaking of dogs – did Chancellor Merkel ever quit her Therapist?

TRUMP

You didn’t bring your dog here too!

PUTIN

No, with you I have no-bearded women waiting in back.

TRUMP

Thanks for setting me up – Melania hits the sack early.

PUTIN

What’s this ‘hit the sack’ – not another one of your porno tapes.

TRUMP

No, it means ‘go to bed’ while I call for cheeseburgers.

PUTIN

Here, have ‘Pig in Blanket’ – keep up our strength for the nosy Jim Acosta crowd later.  That reminds me; in Russia our Blankets only have 2 Settings…3 Dog Night & Olga!

TRUMP

Is Olga free?

PUTIN

I love these boondoggles on the Proletarian’s dime, don’t you?

TRUMP

I was hoping my Base would notice.  I mean ‘wouldn’t’ notice.

PUTIN

Tell me again what your Daily Intelligence Briefing says about nuclear proliferation – you know, just the Top Secret stuff.

TRUMP

I didn’t just fall off a Nordstrom Truck – will I be breaking ground on a Trump Tower Moscow soon?

PUTIN

It won’t be long now.  You’re not getting tired of lying, are you?

TRUMP

Nope, I’m good for another 20,000 miles.

PUTIN

What does that mean?

TRUMP

I don’t know either; but I think the Writer ran out of punch lines.

PUTIN

It looks like it’s time.  You got it down – There’s no collusion, Witch Hunt, Hillary’s Server.

TRUMP

Sure Vlad, sure – I’m just sorry I had that 2nd Bran Muffin!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic who started out in the DC/MD/VA area, moved to the Bay Area in Northern California and now resides in L.A. She has sold jokes to Joan Rivers, lesser lights and gag magazines, and is a screenwriter, playwright and author of non-fiction.
Marilyn Sands

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