[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump: Secret Plans to Escape Indictment?

As the Trump-Kim bromance continues, rumors circulate of plans to escape indictment.

An anonymous source has just informed this reporter of a secret plan to escape indictment that Trump has recently devised, in case he is removed from office or it looks like he will not win the 2020 election and be indicted after all.

plans to escape indictment. DonkeyHotey
Trump and Kim. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

It appears that the bromance between Trump and Kim Jong Un has secretly continued to heat up over the past few months. Kim’s last missile had “I (heart) Trump” inscribed on the cone and Trump sent him a bouquet of Big Macs as a sign of appreciation.

It appears that the two have been sharing secret phone calls every evening. The White House staffers know their relationship is serious, because on several occasions he has missed Fox News newscasts rather than interrupt his telephone time with Kim.

Staff have overheard what they can only believe are pet names they have exchanged. Trump refers to Kim as “my Pillsbury dough boy,” and Kim coos back, “Mandu,” the name for a plump Korean dumpling.

To plan for the future, Kim is allowing Trump to build a luxurious Trump Tower Hotel in Pyongyang. Kim’s own name will appear as the owner while it is being built, so no suspicions will be aroused in the U.S. Instead of the usual Trump signage, the two are trying to come up with a combination of their two names. They have considered Trumpkim for its cuteness value and because Trump’s first pet name for Kim was his pumpkim which over time morphed into his “Trumpkim.” However, Kim objected to having his name come second in his own country.

The entire top, penthouse floor will be the Kim/Trump residence with fast food restaurants on the rooftop above with access only by their private elevator. To squelch rumors that they are gay, Martha Stuart will give a tour of the penthouse, showcasing their separate, lavish bedroom suites and the bevvy of young Korean girls who will serve as attendants 24/7. (There are no plans to include Melania.)

They will share a common area for daily couples’ massages or a joint soak in their indoor hot tub/spa. There is only one stumbling block so far, finding a couch strong enough to hold them both as they cuddle to watch Fox News each night..

Diane de Anda

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