We sit in and listen in as Republicans and Democrats alternately discuss candidates and their electability.
Donald Trump is a real hoot! He’ll say anything. I love that guy.
Bernie Sanders used a salad fork to eat steak in 1972. He’s the least electable person in history.
Mitt Romney is insanely ethical. I love that guy.
Elizabeth Warren’s great grandmother wore rabbit fur to her senior prom. I worry she’s not electable.
John McCain is a war hero and true patriot. I love that guy.
Hillary Clinton stole her neighbor’s chocolate chip cookie recipe when she lived in Little Rock. Is she even electable?
Ted Cruz is such a fighter. I love that guy.
Amy Klobuchar wore white after Labor Day all through her twenties. She’ll never get elected.
George W. Bush would be a GREAT drinking buddy. I love that guy.
Mayor Pete stands in the middle of the escalator even when he knows people are behind him. He’s totally unelectable.
Jeb Bush has so much experience. I love that guy.
Michael Bloomberg hits reply all every time he gets a group message. He cannot possibly get elected.
Mike Pence is so freaking bizarre. I love that guy.
Barack Obama? Dude has been seen in Mom jeans. How could he ever get elected?
This piece first published in The Satirist.