[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

After Video Review, General George Custer Declared Winner of the Battle of the Little Big Horn

Long-lost video of the Battle of Little Big Horn disqualifies Chief Sitting Bull, gives victory to General George Custer.

Scientists at The University of Stanchk recovered a long-lost and unknown video copy of the famed Battle of Little Big Horn between the Sioux Indian tribe and the United States Calvary.

Battle of the Little Big Horn Charles Marion Russell
We are told this is a still from the video of Battle of the Little Big Horn, shot by a visitor from the planet Zardoc. Either that, or a painting by Charles Marion Russell.

The video was reportedly taken by a visitor from the planet Zardoc, who reportedly stumbled on the battle while visiting earth and looking for Buffalo Wings. In his haste to leave the violent Earth, he left the video behind.

At some point, the video was acquired by Bat Masterson IV, discovered at a flea market in Bismark, South Dakota. Someone had taped 21 episodes of the sixties sitcom My Mother the Car over the battle.

Stanchk University crapologist Dr. Uppdah Asse was able to restore the battle scenes, and he forwarded them to NFL Films for review. They determined that during the 20 minute battle, Sioux Chief Sitting Bull used several ineligible braves. He has therefore has been disqualified and forced to vacate the victory.

One warrior in question was Pink Wolf, who was not a warrior, but was actually a war-drummer who had been previously been disciplined for wearing the wrong shade of war paint at the Battle of Big Gulch.

Also in question was the status of Big Spear, who had been suspended by the SWA (Sioux Warriors Association) for non payment of dues and for violating Scalping Rules.

This article is part of the “Dispatches from SNN” (Slobovian News Network) series.

SNN is currently working on the following stories:

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Current Job Openings at SNN:

  • Circular Liar
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Ted Holland