A thoroughly modern, irreverent dictionary for your edification.
Budtown: Dating site for losers. Folks join Budtown who are thrice divorced, delight in recidivism and keep beer in the trunk of their cars. Second most popular website in the country.
Charellant (sha-rel-lant): Adjective to describe a trilling voice inside one’s head that sends out signals to others silently and psychically. A charellant voice can say ‘I love you’ to another from a thousand miles away and be received with a startling clarity that will uplift and send the listener into another galaxy entirely. People speak to one another with charellant voices much more often and in greater detail than fact or reason could ever acknowledge.
Foxymoron: A shrewdly sexy idiot.
Gazisser (ga-zis-er): Section of the cheek that gets kissed unwantedly by weird relatives. ‘Oh, no, I got mushed on the gazisser by Creepy Uncle Ed’.
Gojevarro (go-jeh-var-ro): Woke drug dealer. A gojevarro remembers to say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas‘ to his wretched and debased patrons. He is extremely gender conscious and not afraid to peddle his products to the homeless. Wonderful, respectful and sober-minded guy.
Jazzerjive (jaz-er-jiv): Pretend exercise.
Loutevader (lout-e-va-dehr): When someone tilts diagonally up and away from another whose words and behavior are repulsive, she’s executing a body language posture called the ‘loutevader’.
Martyrdon (mar-ter-don): A high-ranking mafia member who complains and suffers constantly.
Pruiscient (pru-is-shent): The ability to sense when someone else is about to sneeze. A pruiscient person may call out ‘God Bless You!’ prior to someone’s sneeze, causing confusion during the actual sneezing and then an amazed ‘how did you know?!?’ afterwards.
Rieovmhk (ree-ohv-mik): Icelandic support group for people who have never seen a UFO. People attend a rieovmhk when they feel something alien is missing from their lives.
River of Stupidity: Embarrassing cousin of the Stream of Consciousness.
Tabopper (tuh-bop-pur): A tabopper is a person who just loves to pop bubble wrap. ‘Tabop-pop-pop’ can be heard throughout the house when a tabopper delightedly goes to town on her pack of airy beads.
Uwvert (ew-vurt): Disrespectful sleaze who equates those who disagree with him on political issues to Nazis. ‘Stan is just like a Nazi – he believes the homeless should actually be helped!’ the uwvert bellows to his stall mates in the men’s bathroom at work while roughly adjusting his piece. Mr. Uwvert keeps his mouth open at all times so he can hastily jolt out his unlettered opinions whenever he feels it’s required. And uwverts conjecture that in every situation possible their loudmouthed viewpoint is required.
Vytush (vi-toosh): Insincere flirtation. A vytush is a wink given to someone to whom one is not attracted. One may give a vytush to her dentist right before he does surgery on her mouth, hoping it’s insurance against tooth pain.