[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Penis Singer Wins International Talent Competition

A talent competition like no other bares all.

Part of the continuing series, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network).

Fharht Bubbelle, a 27 year old oodlefarquer on a garbage scow, won the internationally famous Slobovia’s Got Yutz Talent competition by singing a 7 minute and 32 seconds version of The Slobovian Battle Hymn of the Republic through his penis.

talent competition penis singerIn the finals he defeated the 1,287 member Trans Slobovian Arkestra which performed “Let’s Twist Again Like We Did Last Summer.”

In earlier rounds of the internationally televised competition, Mr. Bubbelle had his penis sing such tunes as “Some Enchanted Evening,” “Jingle Bells“ and “Baby Got Back.”

Mr. Bubbelle stated that he acquired his penis singing talent while garbage scowing in Africa. He met several members of the Rocksbootie Tribe in the tiny nation of Ungawa. The tribesmen eat a steady diet of Oosigwatti, a stew made with the juice of the Water Boatman, a local insect that attracts the opposite sex by singing through its penis. He brought back 700 gallons of Oosigwatti and used it to perfect his craft.

He also states that in penis singing, size matters: a 2-4 inch organ is a Bass Penis, a 5-8 inch shaft is a Baritone Penis, a 9-12 wang is an Alto Penis and a 13-16 inch snake is a tenor penis. Any willy over 17 inches is considered a Falsetto Penis.

To Keep his penis voice in top shape, Mr. Bubbelle constantly ribs it with honey and cucumber juice.

Mr. Bubbelle received a contract from Stanckt Records that included a signing bonus of 723 million Slobovian Grubniks… about $123.93 in American money.

Ted Holland