[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Biden: Donald Trump Voters Guilty of Aiding and Abetting a Felon

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

President Biden: ‘Anyone who votes for Donald Trump will be guilty of aiding and abetting’ a convicted criminal.

According to SNN criminal court reporter Dewsome Tyme President Joe Biden says that anyone who votes for Donald Trump in November will be “guilty of aiding and abetting a convicted felon” and could face Federal prison time.

Trump in prison stripes: voters aiding and abetting a convicted criminal?
By Backbone Campaign, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0

Mr. Biden stated, “In accord with Federal Penal Code 31 C, Section 550, Subsection 28B, Quadsection 98j, Exsection 57b, Directive 13, Statute 91 RL x47y, Disgorgement 67 PDQ 14 c 38, any one who votes for Trump is guilty of accessory after the fact and could recieve up to five years in Federal Prison.”

Mr. Biden also stated that anyboby who votes for that Kennedy guy could be declared deranged and spend time in the Federal NuNu Ward.

When asked about his upcoming debate with rival Donald Trump, Mr. Biden stated, “I can beat Trump with my tongue tied behind my back!” He then used that long tongue to lick his ice cream cone.

Breaking News

Prince Dorko, Exaulted Ruler of Planet Zardoc, Says he Will Build a Global Warming Prevention Dome Over the Earth if Earth Will Stop Sending Rockets to the Moon.

SNN Words to Live By

“The public likes revenge.” — Judge Culley (Burgess Meredith), In the Heat of the Night, 1980’s TV series. 

“Nothing’s worse than a sore winner.” — Spearchucker Jones (Timothy Brown), MASH, 1980’s TV series.

“I want to live fast, love hard, die young and leave a beautiful memory.” — Faron Young, Live Fast, 1955 song.

Question of the Week

What’s the Dumbest Word in the English Language? (Leave your answer in the Comments section below!)

Author’s Pick: Velo — Baseballese for Velocity.

Ted Holland