Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.
ANNOUNCER
From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.
JERRY
Hi Kaleigh.
KAYLEIGH MCENANY
I promise I will never lie to you.
JERRY
You made a comment in 2015 that it was “unfortunate and inauthentic to call Trump a Republican.”
MCENANY
No. I said Trump is from Dublin.
JERRY
You just lied. I got it on tape.
MCENANY
It’s not a lie if you believe it.
JERRY
How is the administration dealing with the coronavirus?
MCENANY
That ship sailed. We’re reopening our economy. Unemployment is dropping.
JERRY
But as a result, coronavirus is rising. The president hasn’t done anything to help. We don’t have enough testing, masks, protective gowns and ventilators. Over two million people are positive.
MCENANY
It’s better to be positive than someone who is always negative. You know what they say. Feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a Corona.
JERRY
At least Finland takes the coronavirus seriously. They just closed their borders. You know what that means?
MCENANY
No one will be crossing the finish line. Aren’t I smart? Graduated from Harvard law school.
JERRY
Okay, Smart Ass. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
MCENANY
No.
JERRY
The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup.”
MCENANY
I don’t think that was on my final exam.
Former White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders bursts through the studio door.
SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS
I want my job back, Stick Legs!
MCENANY
Nobody invited you here, Tubby!
JERRY
Hold on, Ladies. Be civil to each other. You’re both losers. I know your egos were crushed when you weren’t cast for the movie Stan and Ollie.
SANDERS
Don’t insult me. My dad is an important member of the Republican Party.
MCENANY
You mean Colonel Sanders, the fried chicken guy?
SANDERS
Mike Huckabee. The former Governor of Arkansas. He had his own TV Show on Fox News for seven years.
MCENANY
So? That’s not even news. Oops.
SANDERS
What does your dad do?
MCENANY
He’s a roofer.
SANDERS
I’d tell you a joke about roofers, but it’s over your head.
JERRY
You two idiots share the same values. Against LGBTQ, women having children out of wedlock, want God in public school classrooms. You’re on the wrong side of history.
MCENANY
You know nothing about American history, Duncan.
JERRY
Prove it.
MCENANY
Why did Columbus cross the ocean?
JERRY
To get to the other tide.
MCENANY
Wrong. The directions weren’t pacific.
JERRY
Close.
MCENANY
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
JERRY
Liberty.
MCENANY
I’ll give you that one. It’s dangerous to drink tea. Native Americans used to drink too much of it and drowned in their Tee Pees.
MCENANY
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
JERRY
Pilgrims.
SANDERS
Duncan knows his history. When I was in school, I was great in history. Oh wait, no I wasn’t. That’s why I got hired by Trump.
JERRY
See you tomorrow everyone.
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