[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Roger Stone: Gesture of Appreciation to Trump

A joyous Stone was seen gadding about town.

Roger Stone has been seen around town with a smug smile on his face. He is bragging that he is just a better “political poker player” than Congress or the courts and, crooning a Kenny Rogers favorite, claimed he knew “when to hold ’em” and not to “fold ’em” and give Congress the information they wanted on the President.

Roger StoneHe referred to the charge of witness tampering as the court over-reaching in a case of purely “friendly persuasion.” Again, barely able to restrain his emotion, he burst into song from the movie of the same name.

To a small clutch of reporters, he referred to himself as a patriot who stood by a president under fire and that this was shown to be justified when the president was exonerated of impeachment charges by the Senate. “Of course, the loyalty of a patriot needs to be rewarded,” he shouted as he departed.

The one curious thing that observers noticed was that Stone always stayed standing, even when all those around him were sitting. At first, this was thought to be a way of making himself always be the center of attention, but soon the actual reason became known.

It seems that in a gesture of appreciation to Trump for commuting his sentence, he decided to have his face tattooed, lifesize on his body. However, this proved problematic. Stone had already dedicated his back as an homage to Nixon and felt that adding Trump would be an insult to the man he worshiped. His chest was not an option, because he was not willing to go through extensive electrolysis to remove his chest hair, which also might leave scars that would ruin the tattoo.

Ultimately, the only space left on his body big enough for the jowly President’s face was his buttocks. It is presently a work-in-progress, which means Stone will not be able to sit on a very tender bottom for the next few weeks. Instead of being embarrassed when this was brought up, Stone replied, “I can’t wait. As soon as it’s finished I’m going to moon the House of Representatives!” He hesitated then added, “Again.”

Diane de Anda
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