The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Dr. Sigmund Freud

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the father of modern psychology, Dr. Sigmund Freud, and Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, from Heaven my guest is the father of modern psychology Dr. Sigmund Freud and President Donald Trump.

Sigmund Freud
Oil portrait painting of Sigmund Freud, 1936.

JERRY

Good morning, Doc.

SIGMUND FREUD

(German accent) Vunderbar. I hope dat I don’t have a Freudian slip.

JERRY

Hi, Trumpster.

DONALD TRUMP

Freud is a smart guy. He told me I’ve had a vacancy of the cranium since birth. Not stable. I’m not stable.

FREUD

Do you mind if I smoke?

TRUMP

I don’t care if you burn up, Doc.

FREUD

Dat vasn’t nice. You have an Oedipus complex, Mr. Dump.

JERRY

That’s serious. The Orange Man has a sexual desire for his mother. And hates his father.

TRUMP

My mother is so hot, I tried to date her.

FREUD

And vhy do you tink you vere rejected?

TRUMP

Small hands. Very small hands.

FREUD

Interesting. And your daddy?

TRUMP

I never liked the jerk. I asked him what he did for a living. He said, “I impersonate a human being.”

JERRY

Hey, Doc. Save some time for me. I have a problem.

FREUD

Lay it on me, Big Fella.

JERRY

Okay. I can’t seem to find a girlfriend.

FREUD

Vhy do you tink?

JERRY

I realized it when the last girl I dated told me that I wasn’t like the rest of them.

FREUD

And?

JERRY

She said I was worse.

FREUD

Oh my. Vell, Jerry. Der is somevone for everyvone and da person for you is a psychiatrist.

JERRY

Great.

FREUD

Dat vill be $500. Do you vant to put it on your credit card?

JERRY

See this middle finger in front of your face?

FREUD

Ah, yes. No problemo.

TRUMP

Is that it for the day?

FREUD

No. I discovered you have a libido. Repetition, hate, aggression and neurotic guilt.

TRUMP

Fake news.

FREUD

Mr. Dump. These are da scientific findings. You’re a moron, an idiot, a dictator and dishonest.

JERRY

That sounds right.

FREUD

I have more.

JERRY

By all means.

FREUD

You don’t take responsibility for your mistakes. And you blame everyvone else for your ineptness and failure of leadership.The coronavirus is out of control and da economy is in da crapper. Vhat more is dere to say?

TRUMP

The coronvirus will disappear, Four Eyes. And the only thing in the crapper is your head. Flush hard, it’s a long way to Heaven.

JERRY

Just a minute. There is a caller on the line.

JOE BIDEN

Jerry. It’s Joe Biden.

JERRY

What do you want?

BIDEN

I have a question for Dr. Freud.

FREUD

Go ahead.

BIDEN

Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

FREUD

I’m glad you asked. The ‘p’ is silent.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show

(c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner

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