Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Kanye West and Reverend Al Sharpton.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guests are rapper Kanye West and political activist Reverend Al Sharpton.
JERRY
Hello, Rev.
REVEREND AL SHARPTON
Howdy. I always say, “Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”
JERRY
Very inspirational. Not.
JERRY
Hello to you, Kanye.
KANYE WEST
Keepin it real, Duncan. Man, my greatest pain in life is that I’ll never be able to see myself perform live.
JERRY
Sounds like you are suffering from insanity.
KANYE
Nope. I’m enjoying every minute of it.
SHARPTON
You’re a Mother, my Brother. You support Trump and he’s against Black Lives Matter.
KANYE
Orange Lies Matter. Make America Great Again.
JERRY
I understand that you’re running for president as an independent.
KANYE
Yeah. I gon hit up my peeps tomorrow.
SHARPTON
Independent my ass. Kanye and diapers have one thing in common. They should be changed regularly and for the same reason. How you going to help Americans?
KANYE
Let me tell you, Box of Rocks. Gonna legalize pot. Pot in every chicken. No more Popeyes. We slim down America. Jobs for everyone who wanna work. I’m gonna try to get unemployment to go up and I think I’ll succeed. But my main mission is to fight poverty. Gonna wrestle homeless people every weekend on pay per view television.
SHARPTON
If I paid you to think, you could cash in your check at the penny arcade.
KANYE
Duncan. I wanna give a shout out to my wife Kim Kardashian.
JERRY
I hope when Kim goes to the beach she doesn’t swim.
KANYE
Why?
JERRY
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean. Go ahead, give her a holler.
SHARPTON
Are you really happily married to big booty Kardashian? I heard rumors about infidelity. Just sayin.
KANYE
I wrote a love song for her, homie. It go like this.
KANYE
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty. Big, big booty, what you got a big booty. I’m always here for you, Dawg.
Jerry and Sharpton start dancing and singing.
SHARPTON
Keepin it real.
JERRY
Big booty, big booty.
KANYE
What the dilly? You clowns have two left feet.
KANYE
You embarrassed the King of Hip Hop.
JERRY
What about Eminem?
KANYE
What about M&M? I’m a Snickers man.
JERRY
I’m talking about the rapper.
KANYE
I know about the wrapper. How else you gonna keep fresh?
SHARPTON
Hey, Einstein. Under the leadership of your honky Donald J. Trump, everything has gotten worse. The coronavirus, racism and unemployment are out of control. You got some explaining to do.
KANYE
Trump said, “It is what it is.” That good enough for me.
JERRY
Let me tell you what’s not good enough. You.
SHARPTON
He’s a sitcom. Kanye compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing either.
KANYE
I’m gonna take votes away from Biden in Wisconsin and Colorado. Just waitin to get on the ballot.
JERRY
Colorado has bison, Wisconsin has cheese. What is Michigan known for?
KANYE
Clueless.
JERRY
Lead poisoning. See you tomorrow.
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