Some surprising last-minute Trump endorsements have come through.
The polls show Joe Biden leading in the presidential race but here are some surprising last-minute Trump endorsements.
B. L. Zebub – Hades Creek, Washington
I typically don’t get involved in U. S. presidential politics as it seldom pays big dividends for me. I’m more inclined to do what I can to stir things up elsewhere such as I did in Nazi Germany or the former Soviet Union. But I have to admit that this Donald Trump guy has really caught my eye. I didn’t think I’d find his type in a U. S. election but there he is: a completely immoral, racist, lying bully. In short, just my kind of guy. I think I might even register this time and take his suggestion to vote by mail and in person.
Bud Pot – Genocide, Mississippi
No, I’m not related to the late, great dictator Pol Pot but I was named after him and have always felt an affinity for his scorched earth, genocidal goals. Recently, I’ve seen inklings of that philosophy in Donald Trump. His racist views show promise and I think with a little help from folks like me, he could nurture and develop his autocratic impulses and take that important next step toward genocide. Be they red, black, yellow or brown, I think Mr. Trump has the “white stuff” to beat back the non-Aryan threat.
A. Hitler – Swastika, Indiana
For decades, I’ve downplayed my relationship to der Führer as I just happen to be his great nephew. People didn’t seem to take to Great Uncle Adolph so I just kept my mouth shut and kept my views to myself. But surprise, surprise, in the recent presidential debate, I think I found my soulmate: one Donald J. Trump. I love the way he trashes socialists and gives a big thumbs up to groups like the Proud Boys. I finally feel like I can come out of the neo-Nazi closet and be my true self. Make America Racist Again.
Commander Fred – Gilead, Kentucky
I’ve always been afraid to get my hopes up too much when it comes to dreaming of a new theocratic utopia. But recent events have convinced me to come out strongly in support of President Trump. It looks like he’s got all the evangelicals on his side and now has nominated a true American handmaid to sit on the U. S. Supreme Court. Many seem to view the novel The Handmaid’s Tale as a cautionary fable but I see it more as a utopian blueprint. Here’s hoping Donald Trump can follow that blueprint all the way to the Promised Land.
Bob Cronos – Jupiter, Florida
No, I did not castrate my father and no, I did not eat my children. You must have me confused with my mythological namesake Kronos. But yes, I do admire strong men born of strong fathers who in turn sire strong children. That’s why I support not just Donald Trump but the entire Trump family, even Eric. I can only hope that my son Zeus will one day be as successful a leader as Mr. Trump.
V. V. Putin – Moscow, Idaho
I’m not that V. V. Putin although we do have a lot in common including a hometown with the same name and a desire to help Donald Trump. Plus, Russia’s Putin heads a large armed force and I lead a local militia here in Idaho. In large part, that’s why I’ve come to support Donald Trump. Not only is he a big fan of the Second Amendment, he knows that our country must defeat the radical socialists, those people who support things like Medicare and Social Security. Like Trump, we here in Idaho believe that the government that governs not at all governs best.