Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
A woman who parked her tiny house on her parents’ property in New Hampshire was forced to move out after the local government said it was illegal
… Some advice, she should just move her little house to the prairie…
Trump slams US fashion magazines for not giving Melania a single cover shoot while he has been in office
If only there was a zine ‘Modern Mail Order Bride.’
‘Super Gonorrhea’ on the rise due to Covid-19 – WHO
Super Gonorrhea sounds like a villain for the XXX-Men.
Gloating and streaming posts by Capitol Building rioters on Parler
Parler is apparently the legal term for “Confess.”
Pregnant Hilary Duff showcases baby bump while asking fans to guess the sex
I’ll give it a shot: “Ok, it was pretty good, oh, you mean of the baby? Never mind…”
Robb Report: ‘Wonder Woman’ star Gal Gadot snaps up a $5 Million Malibu penthouse
Shouldn’t that be “lassoed?”
The Grinch stole physical retailers’ Christmas
Let’s face it, if the Grinch stole this past Christmas, no store would take it back.
Trump legal team now 1 – 61 in election court cases
It’s like he’s represented by the law firm Dunning Kruger and Associates.
Kim divorcing Kanye
Seems her New Year’s resolution was to lose her ass.
Police arrest Florida man who was allegedly carrying Nancy Pelosi’s lectern in the Capitol
Or, as he’s also known, “The Pillage Idiot.”
American and Canadian Airlines will begin booking flights to full capacity
And, losing luggage full time immediately.
Secretary of Education Betty DeVos resigns
Hurry, somebody, hide all the Dalmatian puppies!
Hilaria Baldwin loses Cuties Baby Care brand deal after accent scandal
So, it was a rash decision?
Republicans turn on Trump after Georgia loss
… in fact, Republicans are starting to run so fast from Trump, it’s like they “got on a midnight crazy train FROM Georgia!”…