Top 10 Foods That Are Just Like Sex! - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Just like sex: A racy list of edibles that’ll keep you coming back for more!

Okay, these “like sex” foods are just suggestions…on a slow News Day…other than War, Hurricanes, Floods & oh yes, Covid!

Not that I need a substitute for sex, mind you – this un-scientific study is for Emergency Use Only & not yet Approved but highly recommended for Texas residents!

Just to be clear, these are not aphrodisiacs – these take the place of sex!

You can eat these alone, with a eunuch or an inflatable doll – I don’t care! I just can’t guarantee what would happen if someone joined you or you ate more than 1!

Let’s face it, you & I have been using these for years & never gave it a thought – but here’s a reminder of the Top 10 Common Foods that are just like sex:

10. PEANUT BUTTER CUPS

9. KRAFT MACARONI & CHEESE

8. KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS

7. HOT APPLE PIE ALA MODE

6. MASHED POTATOES & GRAVY

5. FIERY CHEESE DOODLES

4. SRIRACHA SAUCE on everything

3. McRIB (for the Neanderthal in you)

2. BACON

And #1 HALVAH

(A traditional sweet candy made from sesame paste originating from the Middle East)

But, in case you’re bored with those – here’s my list of Top 10 Foods YOU’D NEVER GUESS that are just like sex:

10. FRUIT CAKE (make up your own damn list) ha ha

9. CREAM OF WHEAT

8. SPAGHETTI O’s

7. COTTAGE CHEESE

6. MARSHMALLOW PEEPS

5. TOFU

4. WATER CHESTNUTS

3. RICE CAKES

2. MATZOH

And #1 KALE

No silly, you don’t EAT it – rub it on your private parts!

P.S. If this article made you feel the least bit sexy – you’re in worse shape than I am! ha ha

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha

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