Interview: President Joe Biden - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the 46th person to hold the office, U.S. President Joe Biden.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, indeed. Today on the show my guest is President Joe Biden, 46th President of the United States.

President Joe Biden, DonkeyHotey — President Joe Biden, caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN

Let me correct you, Jerry. I’m the Vice President.

JERRY

Hold on. You won the 2020 election.

BIDEN

C’mon, man. Who told you that?

JERRY

A little birdie.

BIDEN

Okay. I’ll go along with it. I’m the President. Cool.

JERRY

What got you into politics?

BIDEN

I was always a leader. Student body president. Captain of the high school football team.

JERRY

Then you must have heard about the pig that was ejected from the football game?

BIDEN

No. Why?

JERRY

He was playing dirty.

BIDEN

Reminds me of the Chinese words “Dung on Mai Shu.”

JERRY

What does that mean?

BIDEN

You stepped in shit, Jerry.

JERRY

I’m going to highlight your career. You were the U.S. Senator of Delaware from 1972 to 2009. Then became Vice President until 2016. And in between ran for President a few times. You know a lot about Presidential history.

BIDEN

Indeed. Ask me a question.

JERRY

Who was the 16th President?

BIDEN

(thinks)

Ah, don’t tell me. Let me see. I was around back then.

JERRY

Here’s a hint. He was 6’4″.

BIDEN

Michael Jordan. That’s the guy.

JERRY

(game show voice)

I’m sorry, Joe. It was Abraham Lincoln. But I have a consolation prize. You and the First Lady will be spending a week in Urbana, Ohio at the lovely Embassy Suites with Congressman Jim Jordan and his wife Polly. I have to warn you. Jim is in a foul mood, because he just found out his parents are siblings.

BIDEN

Aside from that juicy nugget, Jordan thinks Sara Lee is Robert E. Lee’s wife. I don’t have time for idiots.

JERRY

You are 79 years old. The oldest president ever to hold office. Does it affect you?

BIDEN

Here’s the deal. I may be old, but have a great outlook on life. Been married to Jill for 44 years.

JERRY

Yep. You’re on your way. They say the first 50 years of marriage is the hardest.

JERRY

Since becoming President, you rejoined the Paris Agreement for climate change, signed the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021 to speed up the United States recovery from COVID-19 and withdrew U.S. troops from Afghanistan.

BIDEN

I had to. Trump made a bad deal with the Taliban to have the troops out by May. He released 5,000 prisoners that caused the collapse of the Afghan Army.

JERRY

What a dope.

BIDEN

This is what happens when a fart develops into a turd.

JERRY

You selected the first female Vice President in U.S. history.

BIDEN

Camel Harris. She was born on Hump Day.

JERRY

Her name is Kamala.

BIDEN

Sorry. I was thinking about the transportation in Afghanistan.

JERRY

She’s got more balls than Caitlyn Jenner. One tough woman.

BIDEN

Before we go. Let me say one thing to the American people. Kim Jong-un is not touring with BTS.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Author
Recent Posts

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.