The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Wasilla Walmart Greeter Jenny Downer

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Wasilla Walmart greeter Jenny Downer.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Wasilla Walmart greeter Jenny Downer.

Walmart greeterJERRY

Hi Jenny.

JENNY DOWNER

Your mother will never speak to you again.

JERRY

Can I take that to the bank? I like your negativity. You go girl!

JENNY

The world is going to end. I got more bad news, Duncan.

JERRY

I’m sure. Is there one thing you can say that is positive?

JENNY

Yeah. The results of my COVID test last month. We take the virus seriously at Walmart.

JERRY

How so?

JENNY

All shoppers must wear masks. But pants are still optional.

JERRY

Always wondered. What does a Walmart greeter do?

JENNY

I say, “Hello. Welcome to Walmart.” But I don’t really mean it.

JERRY

Be nice. Those folks pay your salary.

JENNY

I guess. Ya know. We’re a super duper Walmart here in Wasilla. 260,000 square feet. I’m embarrassed though. Had no idea feet was square. Mine are oval except the toes. Is that normal?

JERRY

Nothing about you is normal, Jenny. I want to know what is special about a super duper center?

JENNY

Let me think.

JERRY

This is only an hour show, Einstein.

JENNY

Okay. We have a tire and lube center, pet store, restaurants, even a hair and nail shop. I don’t like any of them.

JERRY

Why?

JENNY

When I was a kid, my old man put me in a tire and rolled me down a hill. That can cause brain damage.

JERRY

No argument from me.

JENNY

Don’t need the pet shop. This past month, it’s been raining cats and dogs. And the food sucks at the restaurants. Plus, they don’t take bills over $20.

JERRY

If I had over $20, I wouldn’t be eating there. One word: barf!

JERRY

Lucky for a hair and nail shop. Every woman likes to be pampered.

JENNY

Not me. There was a sale on hair color in the salon last year and three people dyed.

JERRY

I understand Walmart is closing 500 stores.

JENNY

Yep. All 12 cashiers will lose their jobs.

JERRY

You should find a better job where you can work remote.

JENNY

You mean sittin on my couch watchin TV? Got plenty of experience workin a remote.

JERRY

Not exactly. I was thinking of a trip to Mars in a spaceship. That’s remote.

JENNY

Serious, dude?

JERRY

Absolutely. You and Mars have a lot in common. No sign of intelligent life.

JENNY

The earth will explode from a big meteorite hitting it. Everything will be a fireball.

JERRY

There is the exception. An asteroid quit his job and moved to LA to be a stand-up comet. And he became a big star.

Suddenly an interruption.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

Jerry. It’s mother.

JERRY

Why me, Lord?

MAGGIE

Don’t talk to Jenny!

JERRY

Why?

MAGGIE

Because she has a vacancy of the cranium.

JERRY

Jenny Downer and my mother everyone.

MAGGIE

Who loves you, Jerry? Me.

JERRY

Yech.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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