The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews the 45th President, Donald Trump

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. Today on the show my guest is the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump.

45th President
The 45th president pretends to take notes at the interview.

DONALD TRUMP, 45TH PRESIDENT

45th and 47th President, Duncan.

JERRY

C’mon, Trumpster. You were impeached twice by Congress. You’re lucky I even said you were the president.

TRUMP

No collusion or obstruction. No January 6 insurrection at the Capitol. Peaceful, law-abiding citizens.

JERRY

5 people were killed and 147 police officers injured.

TRUMP

Should have trained better. Be prepared or be peppered.

JERRY

Those brave people saved our democracy.

TRUMP

Why worry about democracy? When I’m elected president in 2024, there won’t be one. The Marine band will be playing Heil to the Chief.

JERRY

All you care about is yourself. And you’re very prejudice.

TRUMP

Wrong. Everybody loves me, especially Blacks. I’m the least prejudice person you know. When I’m elected president, Uncle Ben will be on a one dollar bill. He’s a true credit to his rice.

JERRY

Trumpster. What do you get when you cross Aunt Jemima with Uncle Ben?

TRUMP

I don’t know.

JERRY

Rice cakes.

TRUMP

That’s H-U-G-E. H-U-G-E!

JERRY

I need you to clarify something. There are two drafts of a letter discovered by the House Select Committee that you considered confiscating voting machines to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election.

TRUMP

Fake news. I won the election. Why would I need the voting machines? That’s like saying I need Melania.

JERRY

Hold that thought. Your wife is on the line.

TRUMP

Hi honey.

MELANIA TRUMP

Don’t call me honey. You overstuffed Big Mac. I pissed!

TRUMP

Is it about the deportation papers?

MELANIA

What deportation paper? Where I going?

TRUMP

Oops. I spoiled your Valentine’s Day surprise. We’ll babe, it’s not exactly Disneyland.

JERRY

I bet she’s going to Slovenia, folks.

TRUMP

Bingo.

MELANIA

I mail order bride. Trumpster have 40-year return policy.

JERRY

Think of the bright side. You’ll be the only woman in Slovenia without a mustache and not wearing combat boots.

MELANIA

We get divorce. You never see Barron again.

TRUMP

Who’s Barron?

MELANIA

(to Jerry) Not good threat.

JERRY

No. How about you if you tell the House Select Committee all you know about Trump stealing the presidential election in 2016 and trying to steal it again in 2020?

MELANIA

Good idea.

TRUMP

You wouldn’t dare, Melanoma.

MELANIA

I squeeze you by balls until squeal like pig. You cheat on me when I pregnant, you cheat on other wives, you cheat on taxes, you cheat on election.

TRUMP

Okay. No deportation. You can have the penthouse in Trump Tower. I’ll stay at Mar-a-Lago. Lots of golf. Lots of golf.

MELANIA

And you cheat at golf. Would lion cheat on wife?

TRUMP.

No. But Tiger Woods.

JERRY

Trumpster. When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head. Donald and Melania Trump everyone. See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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