Ivanka Pleads Insanity Before Jan 6th Select Committee Can Even Send Invite

Ivanka Select Committee

Listen in to a practice Select Committee interview Ivanka Trump agreed to before she opted for a slap on the wrist & to be sent to her room!

Actually, the House Select Committee did send Ivanka an Invite seeking her account of January 6th – but so far she’s been another No-Show & it’s been ‘Crickets’!

But don’t despair – there may be light at the end of this political nightmare! This friendly little ‘voluntary cooperation Invite’ could actually turn into another fine Subpoena to be ignored.

Here’s Ivanka’s practice ‘Meet & Greet’ with a true non-partisan Jan 6th Select Committee Member Stand-In asking the questions:

STAND-IN

Your name?

IVANKA

Pardon me?

STAND-IN

Haha  Not yet – that comes later!  Your name?

IVANKA

Oh Irene – Irene Trump.

STAND-IN

No, no – too late to change it – the jig is up!  Okay, was your father the President?

IVANKA

Yes, both Terms.

STAND-IN (under his breath)

This is gonna be harder than we thought! 

As Senior Advisor, have you ever succeeded in talking some sense into your father?

IVANKA

Once.  He tried Sushi.

STAND-IN

And…and?

IVANKA

He put Ketchup on it.

STAND-IN

Is there any truth that you & your father dated?

IVANKA

It’s okay – it was between his marriages!  C’mon, it’s a joke!  He could never unbolt my door!

STAND-IN

How do you explain this photo?

Dad Select Committee

IVANKA

He was just saying goodbye before I went to Girl Scout camp.

STAND-IN

And this one?

with dad

IVANKA

Going to ‘Build-A-Bear’ Workshop.

STAND-IN

And this?

Dad Select Committee

IVANKA

Damn, he’s a Pervert!

STAND-IN

Let me be frank – did you speak to your father on January 5th or the 6th?

IVANKA

Well you see Frank, I had my hair colored & cut on the 5th – so no, to that day.  On the 6th his Secretary said he went Bowling.

STAND-IN

What if I told you he didn’t go Bowling.

IVANKA

Really!  He never lied to me before – I’m shocked.

STAND-IN

Did you happen to see a crowd gather at the Capitol on the 6th?

IVANKA

Hikers!  Isn’t it wonderful – they made it from Seattle to D.C. in just 2 days & my father was going to give out Ribbons.

STAND-IN

After he went bowling, right?

IVANKA

You said he didn’t go bowling.  Please take that light out of my eyes!

STAND-IN

Ivanka, didn’t you beg your father to call off the Insurrection?

IVANKA

I’ll take the 4th or the 6th.

STAND-IN

What?

IVANKA

Daddy says, ‘taking the 5th’ means you’re guilty.  Anyway, right now I’m in a sweet spot – in 2012, he told his lawyer Michael Cohen, “If one of his kids had to go to prison to make sure it was Don Jr. not Ivanka”!

STAND-IN

What did Junior have to say about that?

IVANKA

He spends a lot of time cleaning his rifle!

STAND-IN

Your cousin Mary Trump says your dad may throw you under the bus.

IVANKA

Oh, that crazy Black Sheep – tell her she was ‘once removed’!

STAND-IN

Well, I hope you like Stripes.

IVANKA (pleading)

Will you take a Gucci Bag?

STAND-IN

Hose her, Nick!  You’re more than an accessory, Sweetheart.

IVANKA

Okay, okay – I’ll squeal.  I’m in it for the money.

STAND-IN

The Press had no idea!

IVANKA

Really!  Must be my Acting – maybe I can go to Hollywood.

STAND-IN

No, the choices are Folsom or Riker’s Island.

IVANKA

That’s a Port stop on the Carnival Cruise Line, right?

STAND-IN

Right!

cruise

beach

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