[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Planet Zardoc to Sue Webb Space Telescope for Invasion of Privacy

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

A Special News Dispatch on the Webb Space Telescope from Intergalactic News Nitsche correspondents Disse N. Datte and Tikkel Uranus.

General Mugu Guyye Panne,General Counsel and Attorney General for the Planet Zardoc states that he plans to Sue and bring criminal charges against the newly Earth-launched James Webb Space Telescope and those who operate it.

James Webb Space Telescope.
The galactically nosy James Webb Space Telescope.

The general stated that while Earthlings are fascinated by the photos generated by the telescope.it is latest in a growing lists of space pests all launched by earth including Space Stations, sattelites,rockets and other UES (Unknown Earth Schitte).

General Panne said the telescope has taken photos of secret Zardocian military and defense installations and has recorded secret Zardocian sex rituals(Zardocians have 237 sex organs and common sex takes about 56 hours).General Panne stated that he has contacted the famed Earth law firm of Grabballe,Decash and Scramme to handle the case.

More Headline News

Intergalactic Congress of Planets Proposes Building Dome Over Earth

Several members of The Intergalactic Congress of Planets (of which Earth is not a member) have proposed building a dome over the Earth. The planets Zardoc, Zztthttttttthhhhee and Ziggywiditte (the “party planet”) made the proposal stating that it would solve two problems: It would stop Earth from launching any more space crud, and would solve the planet’s global warming problem, providing there is an Earth leader smart enough to work the thermostat.

In another related news, it is rumored that Russian President Vladimir Putin is on Zardoc trying to hire Zardocian mercenaries to replace the troops he hasn’t lost in his Ukraineian adventure.


“Never apologize, it’s a sign of weakness.“ — Capt. Nathan Brittles (John Wayne), “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon,” 1949 film.

“Politics is the oldest and foremost of the performing arts.” — Jimmy Carter.

“Trouble is its own reward.” — Squiggy, “Laverne and Shirley” TV show.

Ted Holland