GOP Pols See Red, Knowing Sex Sells

Republican-leaning Americans sure have sex on their mind these days, and know that sex sells.

Republican-leaning Americans sure have sex on their mind these days, and know that sex sells.

For starters, Fox News star Tucker Carlson hawked red-light testicle tanning treatments recently. He even insisted on his primetime show that more light could enhance male virility. And the owners of the top-rated cable network didn’t even blush.

GOP Pols, Sex SellsMaybe they were too busy counting their millions. Or red-light tans concealed their blushing skin tone. Either way, sex and lots of money go perfectly together.

Carlson Didn’t Mention Nude Beaches

But Carlson left out information about a cheaper source of male enhancement. The Sunshine State has nude beaches galore, including at least one in South Florida, which also offers lots of tanning opportunities.

So, as a public service, here is what I learned from the website Visit Florida. It bills itself as the “state’s official tourism marketing corporation.”

Nudists Visit Florida

A picture on the “About Us” page shows three young girls in bikinis. They are sandwiched between two boys in bathing suits, which raises some questions. Republican grooming, perchance? Where is the Conservatives of Tik Tok social media page when you need it? Does this display of skin put a giddy-up in the hearts of pedophiles who surf the internet?

I’m just asking, although I know we must remain fair and balanced. So, I’ll give the tourism arm of Governor Ron DeSantis credit. The clever folk sure know that words alone don’t lure visitors. That must be why a nude beach page also gives us a suggestive sampling of skin, with a young couple resting at the beach. Under it, a caption talks about a man and woman enjoying “the sun at Haulover Beach, the oldest officially recognized naturist beach in Florida.”

Family-centric no-clothing pools?

But the Florida PR wizards are just warming up. An article follows the lovely picture, with more inviting details. Part of it says, “Florida is much more than just a place for naturists to gather,” says Ramon Maury, naturist industry representative and voice in Tallahassee. “We are privileged to have some of the best beaches in the world attracting family-centric visitors seeking their little piece of paradise.”

Think about what you just read. A conservative Republican administration in the red-leaning state of Florida is promoting family-centric visitors and nude beaches in the same breath. And more to the point, towards the bottom of the nude beach page, state officials publish a link to Lake Como Family Nudist Resorts in Lutz.

Again, questions pop up. Do the family nudist resorts perform sex-crimes checks on patrons? Are they concerned that Jeffrey Epstein types might plan a shindig and a dip in the no-clothing pools?

Righteous Ron Ready to Romp

My questions are important because Governor Ron is ready to romp in the polls this November. And he’s mounting the political landscape by insisting that he does all he can to protect the sanctity of righteous family living.

Isn’t he the one crushing woke thinking? Didn’t DeSantis ban discussions of sexuality from public schools? Isn’t he ready to punish socially-conscious investment companies that “discriminate” against people who disagree with them politically?

Pumping Up Libido Count

Of course, these hard-hitting political talking points stand in contrast with the bubble bath the state tourism writers lather on readers. They even continue to pump up the libido count, noting, “Pasco County is actually known as the nudist capital of the world,” says Ralph Collinson, former president of the American Association for Nude Recreation, Florida Region.

Can Children Attend “No-clothes” Pools?

But why stop there? Website guests discover that Florida businesses created resorts with “no-clothes” swimming pools. Can parents bring children to such resorts? The article doesn’t say. Nor do we know if Republican politicians in Florida think kids and adults should mingle in family-friendly nude resorts at no-clothes swimming pools.

Mind you, I don’t stand to score any political favors by questioning the wholesomeness of the Visit Florida website. Let people bare their bodies, if not their souls, I say.

Only I hope soul-baring occurs at church, with clothing on, unless clothing-optional churches exist. And this is certainly possible.

I visited a fundamentalist church about two decades ago. The rural southern church entertained its flock weekly with a rock band. So maybe going naked when reaching out to God isn’t such a stretch. I just pray, though, that politicians who visit such sanctuaries keep their clothing on when they are trolling for votes.

And this brings me to politicians trolling for votes.

Cross Dressing Shows Are Bad

I’m certain Righteous Ron thinks he is communing with angels. You see, my governor grabbed headlines, not private parts, in July, by invoking a 1947 law on crossdressing.

Outraged, DeSantis wants state authorities to pull a liquor license from a Miami restaurant. The sin? A video shows children attending a drag show with their parents. The private business must pay!

GOP Pol Wants to Punish Parents

Parents must also pay, or so it seems. An article in Business Insider reports, “In June, Florida Rep. Anthony Sabatini tweeted he would be proposing legislation that would make it a felony and terminate the parental rights of ‘any adult who brings a child to these perverted sex shows.'”

Ok. I get it. DeSantis and Sabatini oppose “sexualizing” children. Even though they sure talk in public regularly about sexually related topics. Could it be that sex talk sells, whatever angle politicians take?

Therefore, I encourage DeSantis and Sabatini to visit the Visit Florida website they feed with tax dollars.

What Do DeSantis and Sabatini Think?

Anything “perverted” there?

And does the following phrase on the nude beach page rub the New Moral Majority pols the wrong way? It announces, “And, naturally, there’s the main attraction for those who relish the feel of the sun’s rays on their bare skin…”

Heck, I bet at least a few drag show singers and dancers lap up the sun’s rays on their bare skin.

Of course, DeSantis may take no action.Which is his right. He’s a tough guy who stands up for his people.

But failing to act raises a tantalizing question: Is the probable presidential candidate a closet liberal?

Steve Schneider