[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Future of U.S. Congress to be Decided by All Elite Wrestling Rampage

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

TNT will host a very special wrestling match to decide the winner of the Georgia Senate race, replacing the Dec. 6th runoff.

The future of The United States Congress will be decided on the December 2.2022 edition of All Elite Wrestling Rampage, when Georgia Congressional candidates Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock square off in a Chattahoochee River Cotton Mouth Water Moccasin Mud Death Match.

TNT to host wrestling match
TNT to host congressional wrestling match. Photo by DennisM2, CC0.

The match will be a mixed tag team affair, as Herschell walker partners with infamous Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG) against Raphael Warnock and his partner, former Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams.

The match will have no time limit, no disqualification and falls count anywhere in the state of Georgia. The ring will be filled with Chattahoochee River mud and surrounded by a moat, filled with swamp water, live snakes, alligators and Fox News Channel personalities. The match ends when both members of one team are completely buried in the mud.

Also, to prevent any outside interference, Donald Trump will be handcuffed to newly-appointed special prosecutor Jack Smith.

The program will air on the TNT Network at 10:00 PM, December 2nd.

As a result of this new election-deciding format, the previous runoff election scheduled for December 6th has been canceled. Herschel Walker backers are especially encouraged to stay home, to avoid crushing disappointment and humiliation.

Special Message from SNN

Happy Thanksgiving to All Americans.

Note: Slobovians do not celebrate Thanksgiving, but on the Slobovian Calendar the 17th Friday of the month of Gavonkis is National Bath Day. Traditionally, everyone takes a Vodka bubble bath.

SNN Words to Live By

“Don’t believe the hype.” — Public Enemy, “Don’t Believe the Hype,” 1988 song.

“If you’re going to play stupid games, you’re going to win stupid prizes.” — Kat Cammack, U.S. Congresswoman.

“A man’s got a right to know what he’s gonna die for.” — Capt. Will Lockhart (James Stewart) “The Man from Laramie,” 1955 film.

Ted Holland