[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump to Plead Insanity for Trial Defense

“I’m crazy like a fox,” the ex-president proclaimed, as he prepares to plead insanity in any upcoming trial.

Former President Donald Trump says he will plead insanity as his defense strategy during any upcoming criminal trials.

trump to plead insanity
Trump says he will plead insanity because he’s “crazy like a fox.”

Trump told what he calls the “lamestream media” that, “You idiots keep saying I’m nuts. Well, now I’m going to make you very happy. I’m pleading I’m mentally deranged, bananas, however you want to define it, against these lunatic charges against me.”

With his famous smirk, Trump added, “I’m crazy all right — crazy like a fox, okay?”

Trump said he borrowed the idea for pleading insanity from a “Communist” Harvard University law professor emeritus named Laurence Tribe. Tribe said such a defense would be Trump’s best strategy to be found not guilty after being indicted for inciting the January 6, 2021, insurrection on Capitol Hill. During the riot, Trump supporters tried to overturn the certification of Joe Biden’s electoral college victory for president.

Trump also said he would again plead insanity when he goes on trial for mishandling highly classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.

Professor Tribe said that, “If insanity is the defense at Trump’s forthcoming trials, I don’t envy the lawyers who agree to represent him.” He said they’d better be psychiatrists who are expert at analyzing somebody’s self-destruction tendencies, adding that an insanity defense maybe would keep Trump out of jail.

As if anyone needed convincing he’s crazy, Trump purposely twisted around his often-repeated comment that he’s a “very stable genius” to now say he’s a very unstable genius since that is what’s going to work best as a defense against “these creepy prosecutors from the U.S. Dept. of Injustice.”

Adding to the insanity, Trump said on his Truth Social platform — using capital letters for emphasis — that the media is pushing the “left-wing agenda of Sleepy Creepy Joe Biden” over “Brilliant, Clairvoyant, and USA LOVING Donald J. Trump,” referring to himself in the third person. He likes to imagine he’s got a magical ability to predict the future and to communicate with the dead and buried.

In the understatement of the year to prove he’s a real sicko deserving to be committed to the loony bin, Trump wished Merry Christmas to all his enemies, such as the “Radical Left Marxists that are trying to destroy our Country, the Federal Bureau of Investigation that is illegally coercing and paying the Social and Lamestream Media to push for a mentally disabled Democrat Joe Biden over the Brilliant Donald Trump.” He also wished a Merry Christmas to the Department of Justice, which appointed a Special Prosecutor who investigated his multiple alleged Espionage Act violations.

As to his clairvoyant powers, Trump said he was referring to his supernatural ability to predict that not only would he be found innocent of all charges based on his insanity defense, but that after he’s finished being psychoanalyzed by a team of doctors at the mental institution, he will be declared so crazy that’s he’s beyond hope and redemption for a cure and that even using shock therapy on him would only be a waste of electricity.

Adding more predictions to his future, Trump said that he will easily be elected president in 2024 and that once in office, he will sentence Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris, and a whole slew of Democrats such as “Pencil Neck” Adam Schiff and “Crooked” Hillary Clinton to 35 years in prison at hard labor breaking rocks at a federal penitentiary in Pennsylvania. Unless, Trump added, he decides that they, along with his top nemesis, Liz Cheney, should all be executed by firing squad for treason.

As for communicating with the non-living, Trump said to further his case he’s completely non compos mentis, he just now advised the long-dead New York Yankees slugger Babe Ruth that what the Yankees really need to win baseball’s World Series is to get an A+ shortstop to stabilize the Yankee infield.

“The Babe told me that he thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread, the guy really sucked up to me cuz he knows I’m special,” Trump reported. He added that he’s also been in touch with the late rock singers Michael Jackson, Prince, and Elvis Presley, with Elvis telling Trump that he’d be soon visiting the former president at his Mar-a-Lago estate.

Trump said Elvis promised to bring him some of his favorite creamy peanut butter sandwiches that he used to fly to Denver, Colorado to eat after performing his “Viva Las Vegas” song in Sin City.

Trump informed the media, using language to show he’s hip to the rock scene, that “Elvis is a pretty cool cat, dude appreciates that I’m like nobody else the world has ever seen.” Trump added that Elvis promised to give Trump a private tour of his Graceland Mansion, and in return Trump would show him around the White House once he’s back in office.

This news wasn’t supposed to get out, but Trump’s team of psychologists, as part of their insanity defense strategy, will have Trump sound completely spaced out, announcing plans after being elected President for a second time that he will be taking a trip to the Moon on a NASA rocket ship, and after he’s finished planting the U.S. flag on the lunar surface, he’ll say he’s going to Mars to see if there’s a Martian duplicate of Senator Bernie Sanders who’s trying to inflict, as Trump calls it, his “whacko socialist views” on that planet.

Smirking again, Trump said “now you believe me, right, that I’m completely bonkers, off the wall.” Trump added, just in case that his first insanity defense doesn’t work, that he’s prepared to go further to the next level of lunacy “to say my name is Jesus Christ come down to Earth to save America.” Trump smirked again and concluded, “Whatever works, okay?

Eric Green