[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Famous Judges (Alive and Dead) Bid to Try the Trump Case

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Everybody wants to try the Trump case, destined to be a one-of-a-kind historical trial.

According to SNN witchdoctor, goozakooologist and dead whisperer, Dr. Sweet Mama DooRite, and SNN legal correspondent Victoria Habeus Corpus, many famous judges both living and dead, real and fictional are casting their bids to preside over the upcoming trial of former U.S. President Donald Trump. Many feel that it would be a feather in their cap to preside over a one-of-a-kind historical trial.

Judge Judy try the Trump case
Even Judge Judy wants to try the Trump case.

Among the famous judges are:

  • Pontius Pilate — Crucify Him
  • Judge Pigmeat — The judge is high as a Georgia pine…everybody gonna do some time
  • Judge Isaac Parker — Hanging judge of the old west
  • Judge Roy Bean — The law west of the Pecos
  • Judge Joseph Crater — He disappeared in 1930
  • Judge Hardy — Mickey Rooney’s dad in the famous Andy Hardy films
  • Judge Judy — Queen of the TV judges
  • Judge Dyer — Black hat in Zane Grey’s Riders of the Purple Sage
  • Judge Dredd — Video Game law man
  • Judge Priest — Will Rogers in the 1936 film
  • Judge Wapner — Presided over original People’s Court
  • Aaron Judge — Yankees HR bopper
  • Arlene Judge — Star of the 1936 film Here Comes Trouble
  • Mike “The Judge” Dubois — 1970’s dirty rassler
  • Judge Ygor Deadratski — Head of Slobovian Supreme Court

SNN Words to Live By

“Ain’t no woman gonna break my heart as long as I have my horse.” — Gene Autry, “As Long As I Have My Horse,” 1938 song.

“Git on it and git it on.” — Renko (Charles Haid), Hill Street Blues TV series.

“There is only what is.” — Comedian Lenny Bruce.

“I’m being as superficial as I possibly can.” — Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld TV series.

Ted Holland