Panel Sponsored by the Federalist Society

Transcript: Federalist Society members answer random questions from the audience at a special symposium moderated by Lou Dobbs.

A panel was assembled by the Federalist Society on Tuesday at the Washington, DC Entertainment & Sports Arena. The 4,200-seat facility was filled to capacity with attorneys, Federalist Society members, and people just stepping in out of the rain.

Federalist SocietyFollowing is a transcript of questions offered at random by members of the audience and answers provided by a panel composed of Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Green, former Fox News host Tucker Carlson, and Florida Republican Governor and rumored presidential candidate Ron DeSantis. The moderator was former Fox News host Lou Dobbs.

Moderator Lou Dobbs: Hi, I’m Lou Dobbs, and I’ll be your moderator tonight. Our first questioner prefers to be identified only as a “transgender woman.” Go ahead, sir.

Transgender Woman: I’d like for members of the panel to explain their position on transgenderism as well as other hot-button LGBTQ issues.

Marjorie Taylor Greene: I’d like to take that one, if you guys don’t mind. I don’t support the sanctioning, the acceptance, or the very existence of transgender people. They are immoral, ungodly, blasphemous, and they dress funny! In fact, I think they’re all a bunch of turds. I don’t believe that America is big enough for fag…er, LGBTQ people to hide.

Governor DeSantis: I beg to differ, Marjorie. I think that in the United States, there is a place for everyone. And as far as LGBTQ people are concerned, that place is Disney World. There, they can dress as they please, and they’ll fit right in.

Tucker Carlson: I think it’s a proven, scientific fact that 91% of transgender people are in fact undocumented immigrants and therefore already illegal. It’s a matter of the stroke of a judge’s gavel to have their sexual orientation declared illegal as well. The reason that Vladimir Putin went to war against Ukraine is to rid the continent of transgenders.

Greene: Ooh, that’s good; I like that. I’m going to bring that up at our QAnon Caucus.

DeSantis: I don’t believe that we can leave such an important task as the eradication of transgender people to this Democratic administration. They’re all a bunch of groomers; just look at Pete Buttigieg, for example. He has children living in his household.

Woman: But those are his own children.

Greene: Intervention has to start somewhere; moreover, I support conversion therapy as practiced by the evangelical faith. Conservative Christians have to put their foot down, and I’d just as soon it be on the neck of Mayor Pete.

A smattering of applause from the audience.

Dobbs: Our next questioner is Pedro.

Pedro: Okay. Can the panel tell me how to fix the broken immigration system?

Carlson: I think that one’s in my wheelhouse. I like what former and future President Donald J. Trump said at a recent rally in Sodomy, Wyoming. The president had a four-point program that I feel deserves our attention: first, we build a ninety-foot border wall along the line contiguous with the United States and Mexico. And build a thirty-foot moat and stuff it with aligators, sharks, and shit.

Greene: No, make it forty feet, because some of them have coloreds have calves the size of grapefruits from running back and forth over the boarder, and they can leap thirty feet. And run a hundred thousand volts through that mother, and put sharpshooters on turrets along the perimeter of the border wall.

Carlson: Next, we end catch and release. If you catch an illegal, you don’t release them; they’ll just offend again. No, you chain them to the freakin’ wall, and then you…

DeSantis: Turn off the benefits magnet; in other words, we don’t feed them or provide medical attention. Let ten thousand rotting human carcasses adorn our beautiful wall—which Mexico will pay for—and that’ll be your deterrent.

Carlson: We next ship the illegals already in our country to Wilmington, New York City, Chicago, and Martha’s Vineyard!

Greene: I don’t believe that I can add anything to that, Tucker. You’ve obviously thought this through.

DeSantis: I agree, although I would send several hundred busloads of illegals to Disney World, or at least the queer ones. Next thing you know, Mexican transsexuals will be reading fairy tales to our children in the libraries, in Spanish!

Carlson and Greene: Agreed.

DeSantis: In fact, Tucker, when I defeat you-know-who and become president, I want to nominate you for Director of Homeland Security, okay?

Carlson: We’ll talk, Ron.

Dobbs: Next up is Mark.

Mark: What is your position on the rule of law?

Carlson: It’s the very foundation of our republic.

Greene: I support it for all white Christian heterosexual evangelicals.

DeSantis: Me, too. I will, of course, pardon former President Trump if he is convicted of any wrongdoing. That goes for any regular tourists to Washington, D.C., on January 6, 2021 as well; I think it goes without saying.

Dobbs: We have time for just one more. Our final questioner is Donald.

Donald: I want to know how you three would confront the crisis of confidence in the government.

Carlson: I think we need to get the American people on the same page. I favor homogeneity in the apparel of American citizens. I believe it is appropriate to dress all adults—all conservative Republicans, that is—in black shirts, jackboots, and other homogenous garb.

Greene: I’m sorry, Tucker, but I don’t agree. I can’t support anything ‘homo,’ and black is frankly not an attractive color—it makes my butt look big.

Carlson: Your butt is big, Marjorie. And besides, it’s only symbolic.

DeSantis: I can support any apparel, so long as it doesn’t include outsized cartoon heads or fairy princess costumes.

Greene: No. I agree—no fairies.

Carlson: I think that government should be run like a national game show, with each member acting in their own self-interests and out to get what they can! Sort of like a cross between “Survivor” and “The Price is Right.”

Donald: What about the low poll numbers for confidence in the Supreme Court?

DeSantis: We need more justices like Clarence Thomas. Justice Thomas shows the discretion that is so essential in choosing his friends, particularly among mega-donors. He is emblematic of the best of his race. In fact, should he move to Florida, I might even consider letting him vote. And I would be proud to have him shine my shoes!

All the panelists nod.

Donald: What do you think about the so-called civil rape trial going on in New York City?

Greene: I don’t think it happened, but in case it did, she wanted it. She didn’t scream; she didn’t run to the police; she didn’t save the dress. I mean, my God, could she be more obvious?

DeSantis: It was heterosexual, probably consensual. No harm, no foul, I say.

Carlson: It is a known fact that E. Jean Carroll escaped by boat from Cuba in 1961 and is undocumented. According to my friend, Governor Abbott, that obviates any so-called crime.

Donald: One final question: What is your opinion on guns and gun violence?

Greene: Personally, I adore so-called assault rifles. I’ve had onyx earrings made in the style of the AR-15 that is manufactured by a company that I hope to bring to Georgia.

She leans into the camera to show off her earrings.

DeSantis: I’m an active hunter from my days in Ohio. I’ve found the AR-15 useful in hunting mice, if you know what I mean.

Carlson: I believe that every school should be hardened by the installation of bullet-proof glass, lockable fire exits, armed teachers, custodians, and cafeteria workers, and by providing a loaded handgun to every God-fearing white Christian child in the public schools—until we get rid of the public schools and go to a voucher system, of course.

Dobbs: Thanks, panel. And thanks to Fox News for carrying this forum live into the homes of patriots throughout America. This broadcast was sponsored by Smartmatic voting machines, whose slogan is, “Vote early, vote often!” Good night.

Bill Tope
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