[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Creator Considers Mankind Recall

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Report: The Creator is close to issuing a recall of his most prominent creation, mankind.

In a recent interview with SNN Heaven reporter Sister Mary Catherine Brouhaha, of the order The Sisters of the Snapdragon Suplex, the Creator (as he prefers to be called) indicated that he has been close to issuing a recall of his most prominent creation, mankind. He indicated that of all his creations, mankind has been his biggest headache over the millennia.

mankindHe stated, “At the Dawn of existence, several of my advisors warned me not to even create the Planet Earth… and further, not to populate it with Mankind, and certainly not to put Mankind in charge of the Earth.”

He continued, “Now, with all the artificial intelligence, nuclear weapons, streaming services, wars, starvation, riots, mass shootings and the New York Yankees not winning a World Series, Earth is a mess. It’s like Mankind is incapable of caring for itself. It may be time to shut the planet down and recall mankind… you know that I had to recall the dinosaurs for acting the fool.”

Asked if he would use water or fire, He responded, “Not going to destroy Earth, just recall Mankind, and shut it down until I decide which animal is best suited to run the place. Then we’ll reboot.”

Asked who his all-time favorite humans were, He gave the following list:

  1. Adam
  2. The Queen of Sheba
  3. Babe Ruth
  4. Laurel and Hardy
  5. Jackie Robinson
  6. Mother Teresa
  7. SlobboRoman Emperor Phonkaducious
  8. George Costanza
  9. Jesus Christ
  10. Tina Turner
  11. Donald Trump
  12. Gorgeous George

SNN Words to Live By

“The more I grease you, the smaller you get.” — Tina Turner, Bold Soul Sister, 1969 song.

“Here I come to save the day.” — Mighty Mouse.

“They made a mistake when they taught a woman how to talk.” — Fuzzy Q. Jones (Al St.John), Prairie Rustlers, 1945 film.

Ted Holland