[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Billionaire Sues World’s Most Expensive Restaurant Over Fake She-Crab Soup

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

A Slobovian billionaire is suing The Diamond Fork and Spoon in New York over his dissatisfaction with a bowl of She-Crab soup.

SNN Continental Cuisine reporter Maters N. Taters reports that Slobovian billionaire Sir Upon Downstroke is suing the world’s most expensive and glamorous restaurant, The Diamond Fork and Spoon in New York City, over his dissatisfaction with a bowl of She-Crab Soup, which reportedly costs $2,374.00.

She-Crab Soup
She-Crab Soup. Photo by Jo Anna Barber, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Last Saturday, Sir Upon flew in his private jet from Stanckt, Slobovia to NYC, to have lunch at the restaurant. He ordered a bowl of the soup, a plate of seafood biscuits that go for $1250.00 a piece and a $1400.00 beer.

When he received his order and tasted the soup, he complained to the management that the soup did not taste right. He then poured the soup into a thermos and told one of his footmen to take it to the world famous Harlem Shuffle Labs to have it analyzed. He waited in the establishment an hour until his man returned with the lab report.

When the servant returned with the lab analysis, Sir Upon was livid. The report stated that there was indeed a problem with the soup. Instead of using real She-Crab, the dish had been made using male crabs that gender-identified as female.

He informed the owners of the restaurant that he intended to sue for the price of the meal plus 76 million dollars for gastronomical pain and suffering.

Incidentally, the cheapest item on the menu at The Diamond Fork And Spoon is Diamond Peanut Burrer and Jelly sandwich, with real diamonds in the peanut butter, for just $972.50.

SNN Words to Live By

“The doctor told me if I didn’t stop drinking I would lose my hearing. I told the doctor the stuff I been drinking is a hell of a lot better than the stuff I been hearing.“ — Comedian W.C. Fields.

“Quit crying and start sweating.” — President Jimmy Carter.

“The reason Noah had two kinds of every animal on the Ark was because he liked to watch.” — Chuck Barris, The Gong Show.

Ted Holland