[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

DeSantis Announces New Anti-WOKE Law

New birth control regulations in latest DeSantis anti-WOKE law.

Governor DeSantis called a press conference to announce the latest anti-WOKE law that he is proposing. Here is the text of his speech:

DeSantis anti-WOKE law
DeSantis announcing new anti-WOKE Law.
We all know that the ultimate aim of the WOKE conspiracy is the promotion of Replacement Theory, to first marginalize the White majority by non-White people overwhelming our numbers. This will mean that the values of White Americans will be trampled and their voices silenced, as they march on to their ultimate goal, eradication of the White race. I promised that Florida is where WOKE comes to die, and the newest law I am proposing will help insure that.

To assure that Replacement does not occur in my state, all measures of birth control will be banned for all women and men of the White race, who do not already have six children. All Black and Latino residents will be issued special birth control identification cards, so that they may continue to use birth control. The state will encourage this use by paying all of the costs of their contraception. An ad campaign will be run urging Black and Latino men to get vasectomies. By simultaneously increasing the White birth rate and decreasing Black and Latino birth rates, we will defeat the WOKE Replacement plan.

Doctors who perform vasectomies, tubal ligations, or hysterectomies on White patients will be arrested and subject to up to 10 years in prison. Exceptions will be made for health reasons, subject to the approval of the Population Growth Administration that I will create.

The state legislature has agreed to pass it immediately and I will sign it into law the moment it reaches my desk.

DeSantis then opened himself up to questions from the press. He pointed to a woman reporter whose name he could not remember.

Reporter: “How is having so many children going to affect the economy when many women with large families will not be able to work?”

DeSantis: “Not to worry; I have taken that into account. The state will fund private charter schools starting in early childhood and issue vouchers to parents on the birth of their child. The schools will all pass the anti-WOKE criteria, so we can be assured that children are being imbued with the right values and understanding of the correct history of our nation. Black and Latino immigrants who are willing to serve as nannies for minimum wage will be issued special visas. Those who refuse will, of course, be deported or sent to another state.”

Reporter: “What about mixed race couples, where one is White and the other of another race?”

DeSantis: “That’s a bit more complicated, and we’re working on another law to take care of that. A committee is working on an anti-WOKE screening test that the non-White parent will take, If they pass it, particularly the White values section, there is no problem. If they fail, they have the choice of moving out of the state or sending their child to the anti-Woke academies we will be establishing. If the couple divorces, the White parent gets full custody.”

The governor then added, “To show how committed I am, we’ve already thrown away my wife’s birth control pills.” DeSantis then smiled broadly; his wife at his side did not.

Diane de Anda