[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Political Dadaist: ‘America is Ripe for Third Party Rule’

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

A world-famous political dadaist says voters are so restless that America could be ripe for third party rule.

Internationally known political dadaist Dr. Phlimflam Manne says that with so many American voters unhappy about Donald Trump and President Joe Biden being the likely front runners for the 2024 Presidential election, the conditions are ripe for third party rule.

Third Party Rule. Elon Musk by DonkeyHotey
Could Elon Musk help bring about third party rule? Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

Dr. Manne is currently the head of the Political Science Department and chief mixologist at Little Willie’s Bar and University. He says that, in fact, a powerful third political party could step in and win the next election.

There are many third parties on the political horizon, he said, and then ran off the following list of potential parties and their possible candidates:

  1. The Donald Trump Party — ”An indictment in every pot” — candidate: Donald Trump.
  2. The X party — candidate: Elon Musk.
  3. The American Vigilante Party — candidate: Jason Aldean.
  4. The Barb Wire Party — candidate: Texas Governor Gregg Abbott.
  5. The Everything for Everybody All At Once Free Party — candidates: AOC and Bernie Sanders.
  6. The Devil Went Down to Georgia Party — candidate: MTG.
  7. The Anybody But DeSantis Party — candidate: Mickey Mouse.
  8. The Nobody Goes to Jail Party — candidate: Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg.
  9. The Smash and Grab Party — candidate: Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson.
  10. The View Woman’s Party — candidates: Kamala Harris and Whoopi Goldberg.
  11. The Bite the Hand That Feeds You Party — candidate: Liz Cheney.
  12. The Did I Say That? Party — candidates: RFK Jr. or Steve Urkel.
  13. The American Idiots Party — candidate: George Costanza.
  14. The Cornell West Party — candidates: Cornell West or Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.
  15. The Taylor Swift Party — candidate: Taylor Swift
  16. The Foot in Your Mouth Party — candidate: Kanye West.
  17. The Fox News Channel Party — candidate: Greg Gutfeld.
  18. The MSNBC Party — candidate: Rev. Al Sharpton.
  19. The Pink Party — candidate: Barbie.
  20. The Petrie Dish Party — candidate: A lab-generated politician.
  21. The Artificial Ignorance Party — candidate: Hoiman (already declared).
  22. The Whoooooo Party — candidate: Ric Flair.

SNN Words to Live By

“Love is a devastating disease, instantly cured by marriage.” — Det. Lenny Brisco (Jerry Orbach), Law and Order TV series.

“If good looks was a minute, you could be an hour.” — The Temptations, The Way You Do the Things You Do, 1964 song.

“When it gets hot, people try to kill each other.” — Detective Oscar Grace (J. A. Preston), Body Heat, 1981 film.

Ted Holland