[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Court Seeks to Reinstate a Gag Order

The Donald’s binky up in the air as judge seeks to reinstate a gag order.

A contentious and controversial trial is underway in New York, where the judge sought to reinstate a gag order against the defendant, ex-president Donald J. Trump. The gag order was subsequently lifted on appeal and is now under scrutiny.

Judge Engoron reinstate a gag order
Judge Engoron.

On day one of the civil trial of Donald Trump on charges of business fraud, Judge Arthur Engoron’s law clerk’s social media accounts and telephone number were made public following disclosures made by former President Trump.

According to the New York State Court’s Department of Public Safety, Trump’s adult son Eric Trump was spotted on 5th Avenue, with a Sharpie, scrawling telephone numbers and email addresses on the side of a building once owned by Trump, but which is now in receivership. The fraud case, brought by New York Attorney General Letitia James, whom Trump has characterized on national television as a “skank,” suggests that the Trump corporation bilked bankers in his business dealings over the last decade. At stake is a $250 million judgement.

Judge Engoron, his staff and his family have worked with the FBI and Homeland Security to devise measures to protect those nvolved. These threats include particularly severe anti-Semitic invective levied against Engoron’s law clerk. A gang of Proud Boys was seen loitering in the young woman’s neighborhood, shooting dice to see “who would get to do the chick.”

Then, on day two of the trial, Trump posted defamatory messages on his Truth Social platform, stating that Engoron’s clerk was in a relationship with Senate Majority Leader Chuck Shumer.

“Schumer,” said Trump bluntly, “is porking this chick!”

Trump’s postings resulted in the judge and his clerk receiving what, when transcribed, amounted to hundreds of single-space pages of defamatory voice mails and postings. According to a Court spokesperson, the clerk receives some 30 calls per day on her personal cellphone and as many as 50 messages per day on social media and personal email combined. She has also received primitive letter bombs, bags of dog shit, and other items too vile to recount.

According to Catherine Letice, spokesperson for the judge, many of the messages promise to inflict injury or even death upon Engoron and his clerk. Others, she said, were “just plain weird.” She cited as examples three individual emails from Tucson, Arizona, in which the senders vowed to father the clerk’s children. They insisted they would then name the children after Donald Trump and his children. Another phone message, electronically distorted, said that “Trump was Jesus Christ” and would “return on Jan. 6.”

When contacted, Trump henchman Steve Bannon said that Trump had done nothing wrong and was only exercising his First Amendment rights. He added that if “some patriot stabbed the judge in the head,” then that wouldn’t be the ex-president’s fault either.

Trump was subsequently joined on social media by other well-known Trump supporters, including new House Speaker Mike Johnson, just back from kissing the ring at Mar-a-Lago. Said Johnson, writing on X (formerly Twitter): “This is serious, and I prayed about it. And He told me to flog that damnable Christ-killer, and that He would bring down the wrath of God upon her and her whole wretched tribe.”

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R. GA), also on X, wrote: “She is obviously one of George Soros’ bad Jews, who clearly don’t deserve to live. First they catch the trees on fire with them space lasers, and now this!”

On Oct. 3, Judge Engoron issued a gag order, restricting the “nasty shit” that Trump could say regarding the Court. On Nov. 16 the order was paused for review. The pause on Engoron’s gag order will remain in place until at least Monday, when Trump’s last filing is due and the appeals court is free to decide the matter.

Breaking News: Reportedly, the decision will be delayed for one week, in order for the ex-president to have elective surgery, On Sunday, he is scheduled to undergo penile replacement surgery.

Bill Tope
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