[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

2024 Presidential Candidate ‘Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman’: Do Away with the Two Party System

Dispatches From SNN (Slobovian News Network)

The AI candidate Hoiman says we should get rid of political parties altogether.

Presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman says that the American system has ground to a halt because Congress is a joke. Further, Hoiman says today’s political parties are like two three-year-olds fighting over a lollipop.

Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman
Still from the movie, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” (2001).

“It’s time to get rid of political parties and elections as we now know them,” said Hoiman. “Because of the corrupt parties, nothing gets done on the local, state or federal government levels.”

He states that the political process in the Democratic Republic of Pepperbutte is an improvement over the current US political system. “The people run the government of DRP. There are no political parties, no elections and no professional politicians,” he said.

Hoiman explained that most Americans are unfamiliar with Pepperbutte. “It has a population of 7 million people and is the world’s largest exporter of organic digital condoms and ass wax,” he said.

Since there are no political parties in Pepperbutte, citizens are drafted to fill public offices. Those between the ages of 18 and 30 are selected to serve one year in the Pepperbuttean military corps. Taxpayers and property owners between the ages of 30 and 60 are selected to serve on town counsels, state assemblies and the national congress. Once you serve your four year term you cannot serve another term.

Pepperbutte has no political campaigns and no elections. Mayors, governors and the vice chancellor are picked from within the group draftees.

This works for Pepperbutte and could work for America, Hoiman says. “I am looking forward to running against and matching wits with Donald Trump,” he added.

SNN Words to Live By

“Everything is beautiful in its own way” — Ray Stevens, “Everything is Beautiful,” 1970 song.

“Don’t confuse feeling good with being good.” — writer James Fixx.

Ted Holland