Dispatches From SNN (Slobovian News Network)
In his last official DOGE directive, Elon Musk ordered that the Humor Times magazine must cut staff.
In his final official DOGE directive before leaving the Trump Administration, Elon Musk deemed that the Humor Times magazine must cut staff, in accordance with moves to cut government spending.
The move would put many cartoonists and columnists out of work. Asked about this, Musk was unmoved, saying, “That’s life, we all have our lemons to deal with. And we cut those lemons with a chainsaw and then make lemonade. At least, our kitchen staff does, but we’re cutting the Humor Times kitchen staff too. So, tough bananas. But that’s a whole ‘nother fruit.”
Mr. Musk stated that next to the Constitution and Warner Brothers Cartoons, the Humor Times is the most important cog in the Democratic process.
But because the magazine yearly receives a government postal stipend of $19.87, it falls in his domain, and to continue to receive the government funds the magazine must cut staff. The stipend will fall to $6.73 beginning in 2026.
Executives of Humor Times said they have hired the famed law firm of Benne, Dover and Kissmyasski to challenge the DOGE directive.
Breaking Sports News
Slobovian National Football League becomes the first football league to allow tight ends to carry switch blades.
SNN Words to Live By
“Where would Christianity be if Jesus had got 8 to 15 years?” — Lawyer James Donovan.
“I’d rather be booed than ignored.” — Pro Tennis player John McEnroe.
“Murder can be fun.” — Alfred Hitchcock.
The Question
Who are the following people? (Leave your answers in the comments below!)
1. Chadwick Tromp
2. Alessandro Alessandroni
3. Anne Bonny
4. Clarence Rutherford
5. Stand Watie
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