The administration said the exam would screen out undesirable indoctrinators.
Taking its cue from the Oklahoma Department of Education, the Trump administration will implement a series of exams to assist in the recruitment, retention, and promotion of employees of the federal government, according to a press release, “but this exam will not be your grandfather’s civil service test.”
Oklahoma Superintendent of Public Instruction Ryan Walters announced on July 24 that he would introduce the “pro-Caucasian, anti-immigrant” exam to teaching applicants from the blue states of New York and California.
The purpose of this exam, said Walters, is to screen out “woke indoctrinators, transsexual groomers, and cannibalistic purveyors of mischief, who work out of blue state pizza parlors.”
The test’s 50 questions will cover topics about U.S. government, religion, and gender.
California and New York, the most prominent blue states, have teaching standards deemed “antithetical” to Oklahoma’s, according to Walters, who cited “voting rights, BLM, food stamps, and all that other shit.”
“We are not bringing woke indoctrinators into our classroom,” said Walters, describing the Oklahoma measures as “a very America-only approach.”
Previously, Walters made controversial decisions such as distributing Donald Trump “God Bless the USA” Bibles in classrooms and proposing that high school students be taught that there was “mischief” involved in the disputed 2020 elections. He also passed around vintage flasks of Trump Vodka to students at the junior high level at homecoming.
Additionally, he advocated for “separate but equal” restroom facilities and drinking fountains to accommodate ethnic and racial differences among Oklahoma students.
Walters said the test for California and New York teachers would also focus on “the biological differences between the two genders.”
“Ya got yer sitters and yer pointers, capisce?” Walters said.
According to White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, the Trump administration has “seized the bull by the balls” and is expanding the Oklahoma initiative nationwide to include all 50 states, Canada, the Panama Canal Zone, Gaza, and Greenland.
“There are 31 red states,” said Leavitt, “and that’s a lot of anti-woke responsibility on our part. And there are almost three million federal employees. Well, something less than that since DOGE. Anyway, the federal work force provides a major opportunity for the Dear Leader to shape the complexion of our country.”
Leavitt said that prospective federal employees rebuffed by the new examinations would benefit from “the president’s creation of vast new employment opportunities for displaced workers.”
She said that Trump’s properties offer thousands of job openings for golf caddies, housekeepers, fry cooks, and other, similar positions.
“Go to Trumpstore.com and fill out an application,” Leavitt said. “There is a nominal fee, but you’ll recover any outlay by the lucrative tips you will receive on the job–and tips are now tax-exempt!”
Leavitt explained that the federal employment exams, like the Oklahoma tests, would, be concerned with “things that every fed should know, like who really won the 2020 election, that E. Jean Carroll is nobody’s type, and that progressivism is ‘flat-out wrong.'”
Leavitt said that exceptions to the test requirement would be made for cabinet secretaries, Trump family members, and most political appointees.
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