4-Minute Interview: Gavin Newsom - Bill Tope, Humor Times

An Up Close and Personal Interview Conducted by Humor Times Conservative Capital Correspondent Llib Epot

Note: The following transcript was taken from an interview conducted over X (formerly Twitter) at the insistence of Gov. Newsom.

Conservative Capitol Correspondent Llib Epot: Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with 4-Minute Interview, Governor.

California Governor Gavin Newsome: HAPPY TO FINALLY MEET YOU, “LLIB!”

Epot: It was a rather unusual stipulation you imposed: conducting the interview via X.

Newsom: I WANTED TO EMPHATICALLY “ADDRESS” YOUR QUESTIONS AND HAVING OBSERVED THE PRESIDENT’S EFFECTIVE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA FOR THIS PURPOSE, I THOUGHT I WOULD “FOLLOW SUIT!”

Epot: I note that you use all capitals in your exchanges. And a lot of exclamation points and quotes…

Newsom: CORRECT! I FIND THAT PLACING EMPHASIS ON WHAT I SAY–OR WRITE–SHOWS MY NATIVE MANHOOD AND DISPELS ANY DOUBT THAT OTHERS MAY HAVE OF MY RIGHTEOUSNESS AND “SINCERITY!”

Epot: The president has virtually federalized law enforcement in the State of California. How do you see your role in this controversy?

Newsom: I AM THE GREATEST, MOST EFFECTIVE GOVERNOR IN THE “HISTORY” OF CALIFORNIA–SOME PEOPLE SAY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! I’LL JUST SLIP ON MY SUPERHERO SUIT AND STAND FOR VICTORY FOR THE “LITTLE PEOPLE!”

Epot: Governor, will you face off against the Republican challenger for president in 2028?

Newsom: EVERYBODY WANTS ME TO! I “MEAN,” EVERYBODY! I AM THE MOST POPULAR POLITICIAN IN 250 “YEARS!”

Epot: A final question, Governor: If President Trump were here today, what would you tell him?

Newsom: THAT’S “EASY,” LLIB! I’D TELL TRUMP THAT HE IS A VERY BAD AND EVIL PERSON, THAT HE IS WEAPONIZING THE GOVERNMENT AGAINST THE PEOPLE, AND THAT FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE “SUFFERED” UNDER HIS “ADMINISTRATION,” I AM THEIR AGENT OF RETRIBUTION! IT’S SAD!

Epot: Thanks very much, Governor. It’s been…real.

Newsom: BACK “AT” YOU, LLIB! REAL IS AS “REAL” DOES!

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Bill Tope

Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.