[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Alito’s Wife Flew a Flag for KKK & Other Causes

Alito’s neighbors suggest that Mrs. Alito flew a flag for the KKK and is an active, dues-paying member to this day. 

Photographic evidence reveals that Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Samuel Alito flew a flag upside down at his palatial estate in Chevy Chase, Virginia, just days after the Jan. 6, 2021 Capitol Insurrection. Since the failed reelection bid of former President Donald J. Trump, an inverted flag has served as a “Stop the Steal” protest of election skullduggery.

flew a flag for the KKK
Mrs. Alito allegedly flew a flag for the KKK.

Responding to allegations of flagrant politicism, Alito laid the blame on his wife, Martha-Ann (nee Bomgardner) Alito, a direct descendent of Nathan Bedford Forrest, a Confederate Army veteran who founded the Ku Klux Klan in Pulaski, TN in 1865.

Alito’s neighbors suggest that Mrs. Alito is an active, dues-paying member of the KKK to this day. Others say she celebrates “Pulaski Day” each summer by ritually sacrificing chickens and other small creatures. Justice Alito denies all this, stating that the animal sacrifices are in keeping with Martha-Ann’s religious convictions and have no bearing on politics.

Alito defended his wife’s actions, maintaining that they were in response “to a neighbor’s use of objectionable and personally insulting language on yard signs.” When another neighbor posted a “For Rent” sign on her own property, Mrs. Alito reportedly hung a sign denigrating federally funded public housing in the United States. And when a third neighbor revealed a small sign advertising a “Yard Sale,” Martha-Ann ran an inverted “Amazon Prime” pennant up her flagpole.

“Martha-Ann can be a little reactionary,” admitted the justice sheepisly, “but when you marry, you wed warts and all,” and he chuckled softly.

When so partisan a politician as Sen. Lindsey Graham (R. SC) spoke of Martha-Ann Alito’s action as “Not good judgement,” Mrs. Alito’s response was to display in her yard a hologram of Graham and his reputed “partner,” a young man by the name of Freddy Wisack.”

Supreme Court employees are forbidden by work rules from the “appearance of impartiality or political partisanship,” and are admonished not to display bumper stickers or yard signs which could suggest political activity.

Reaction among partisans has been marked. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA) said Sunday on MSNBC, “If SCOTUS justices want to control women’s bodies across the country, they should be able to control what flag is flown outside their house.”

In response, Martha-Ann Alito prominently displayed a flag showing Rep. Jayapal bound and gagged and with a gun pointed at her head. Said Samuel Alito: “She’s undergoing anger management, but we have a hard row to hoe.”

Bill Tope