Obama Sues Ala. State Sen. Flake Over Bra Biz

If it’s not one Flake, it’s another.

Former President Barack Obama filed suit last Friday against Alabama State Sen. Crispin Flake (R-Impetigo Springs) and his wife, Brandi “Bran” Flake, over their new chain of brassiere boutiques whose name the suit alleges might lead the public to assume that Obama is involved.

B-Rack o’Bama markets itself as a chain of specialty shops catering to women with “smallish” bustlines and is a spin-off from an upscale clothing retail establishment owned by the Flakes in the wealthy Birmingham suburb of Maidenhead Chase.

Obama spokeswoman Shirley Poteet said the former president is concerned about damage to his reputation and the dignity of the office of president.

“The president considers commercial enterprise to be unworthy of someone in his position,” Poteet said, “and he also wishes to dissociate himself from any suggestion that he does not care for full-figured women.”

Sen. Flake said that the president’s unusual name is not his problem and that he and Mrs. Flake are merely exercising sound business acumen.

“I know as well as anyone that most people today, especially in ‘red’ states like Alabama, are mondo gobby-fat,” Flake said, “but that’s not everybody, and polls indicate that with Bran and her petite but smokin’-hot body by my side, I can take at least 80 percent of the smallish-women vote next time around.”

Poteet said that the legal action is intended in part to restore tranquility to the Obama family, which has been disturbed by publicity about the new business.

“A member of the president’s own household has made it clear that he will not be much of a man if he doesn’t fight this thing,” Poteet said. “This new chain of stores could create the impression either that he doesn’t like curvy women or that a certain key individual has been stuffing her bra, and that’s not something a talented politician is going to allow.”

Bran Flake said the new company’s September 20 strap-cutting ceremony will proceed as planned, with former President Bill Clinton doing the honors.

Poteet denied that B-Rack o’Bama had contacted her about changing sides and becoming its spokeswoman.

This story was originally published by Tut Social.

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Lot Hildegard

Lot Hildegard is a former educator, news editor and corporate ghostwriter who enjoys writing country music parodies and is trying to reinvent himself in retirement as a trad jazz vocalist and clarinetist.