[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Perdue Chicken Tapped to Head USDA

‘Who better to run USDA than a farm animal?’ says Trump

Self-styled “Emperor-in-Chief” Donald Trump was especially gleeful today, as he announced in a series of tweets that he has decided to withdraw Sonny Perdue’s nomination as Secretary of Agriculture.

Trump chicken USDA
Trump’s Secretary of Agriculture nominee. Photo by TTsuruda, flickr.com.

“Senate approved Betsy DeVos. Smart move. Best move. Gave me and Senators lots of money, which is good for America #MAGA.”

“Now, I have a better candidate than Betsy DeVos. You’ll love it. A great candidate! Get ready, US. Best candidate ever!”

“I’ve asked Frank Perdue to withdraw his candidacy for Secretary of Agriculture. He did. Great guy. The best guy.”

The previous tweet was deleted shortly afterwards and replaced with this tweet:

“I’ve asked Sonny Perdue to withdraw his candidacy for Secretary of Agriculture. He did. Great guy. The best guy. Who’s his replacement? Announcement soon.”

Trump followed the corrected tweet with this one:

“Get ready America! Awesome announcement coming! The Best!! You’ll love it!”

And finally, this one (spread over a couple tweets):

“Today, I nominate a Perdue chicken (best chickens!) to serve as Secretary of Agriculture. There’s precedent! Italian emperor guy put a horse in Senate, so I want a chicken for USDA. Besides, the chicken is smarter and more qualified than the brilliant Betsy DeVos, even with head cut off. Expect quick Senate confirmation. #MAGA”

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Ron Keith

Ron Keith lives in Washington, DC. He freelances, mostly writing on renewable energy, technology, gaming, and anything else he feels a passion for. He plans to spend the Trump years in a fetal position and learning what an emolument is.
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