[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Curbing Sexual Misconduct in Congress: Initiative

Voters to decide on preventive measures to stop sexual misconduct

Given the continuing scandals regarding sexual misconduct of members of Congress, from Roy Moore to Al Franken, a grass roots organization has been formed, and has prepared an initiative for the voters. Proponents say the measure will assure that inappropriate sexually-related behavior will not occur again in the ranks of legislators.

Sexual Misconduct hurt crotch family guyFirst, new requirements would be added to any male who wishes to run for office. They must agree that if elected, during their term in office, they will undergo chemical castration. A preliminary survey of the wives of legislators has found little objection, and some have indicated enthusiastic support for the proposal. An undisclosed source in the White House has leaked that Melania has proposed that the rules be expanded to include the executive branch as well.

New vetting procedures will be set in place to determine whether there is a history of sexual harassment, abuse, or misconduct, with findings presented in public hearings. The process will be more extensive for those planning to run in districts where conservative Republicans or right wing Evangelicals predominate, since these voters appear to have no moral compass and support the Party’s candidate irrespective of a long history of inappropriate, criminal, or just plain disgusting behavior.

Recognizing that policing is necessary if their new measures are to be effective, an enforcement force will also be created, headed by a czar who has the power to determine and execute punishment for any infractions. The group has already selected the first enforcement czar: Lorena Bobbit.

Diane de Anda