Trump Zombies

Will Durst, Trump Zombies

The Trump Zombies have no doubts about their glorious leader.

The followers of Donald Trump are many things. Loyal, rabid, focused, committed, single-minded, self-righteous, rabid, and oblivious. And rabid. Many folks have gone so far as to call them zombies. “Truuuump. Truuump.” The major difference being, these Walking Dead are not interested in brains.

They have no doubts. They back their glorious leader 100 percent. His poll numbers will never drop below 35 percent, indicating a hard bottom that matches his hard head. During the 2016 campaign he famously said he could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and wouldn’t lose any supporters, and that may be truer today. And if he wants to demonstrate how that would go down, you’d need a lottery to pick from the thousands of zombies that would volunteer to help prove it.

It was no secret that he was a philandering lying greedy cheating businessman who stiffed contractors and sued everyone else when they voted for him. He’s a New York City real estate developer. They are to choir boys what glass shards are to lace. What gum is to hair. Cement and crockery.

And they will countenance no argument. Doesn’t matter what you use: logic, reason, math, ethics, decency, convention, protocol, science, history, physics or gravity. He’s their guy. They don’t care what he’s done or what he’s accused of doing. If Ronald Reagan was Teflon, the 45th President is a space age polymer dipped in polyurethane and covered in weasel grease.

The best example is while the Russian collusion investigation is being hammered out in the background, the President gets hit with multiple accusations of using money to silence women who claim to have had affairs with him. And nobody cares. No impact at all. The focus centers on the lawyer who arranged the payoffs. Misdirection managed.

Obstruction of justice? “Who cares? They all do it.” Shady business deals? “So what. They all do it.” Did he kill anybody? Not… did he have anybody killed? Did he personally kill anybody with his bare hands? And even if he did, “so what? They all do it.”

Trump could push an old lady in a wheelchair down three flights of stairs and his supporters would argue till they were blue in the face that he was giving her a series of chiropractic adjustments. If he was caught burning down an orphanage his people would claim he was simply restoring the heat that dastardly Obama Administration was selling to illegal aliens.

Former FBI Director James Comey wrote a book that charged the president was a congenital liar and unfit to lead. And the Trump zombies complained that Comey’s timing was suspect and that he was an attention junkie. And the font in the book was pejorative. Then Trump said the release of the Comey memos vindicated him. Although they didn’t. At all. In any sense. This guy would claim victory after being decapitated. He’s the Black Knight from the Holy Grail. “It’s only a flesh wound.”

And if he eventually fires Robert Mueller or keeps firing a series of Assistant FBI Directors until he finds one that will fire Robert Mueller, Republicans would continue to back him because his zombies do. Not even a stake to the heart would work. Of course that presupposes the existence of a heart. No brains, no hear, just “Truuuump. Truuump.”

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Will Durst
The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.