Horoscopes for Jerks: June, 2018

What’s your sign? Check out your Funny Horoscope June 2018, and the outlook for all those jerks you know, right here!

What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you! And you could be wrong. Just in case, here’s your Funny Horoscope June 2018. Be sure to share your friends’ snarky outlooks with them, too!

Zodiac_01-Aries Aries: The fire of Summer fuels your inner fire this month, making you prone to explosions and susceptible to internal combustion – neither of which have historically played-out well.
Zodiac_02-Taurus Taurus: Now is definitely the time to get off your ass and be more active. Think hiking and swimming – not bars and malls.
Zodiac_03-Gemini Gemini: Happy Birthday, fellow Twins! This should be a great time for you, so long as you don’t put your personality under some ridiculous bipartisan structure.
Zodiac_04-Cancer Cancer: This month the Universe asks you to nurture others with words. This will only be difficult if you try to do it via posting Youtube comments.
Zodiac_05-Leo" Leo: Venus enters Leo on May 13th, which will have a romantic, passionate effect on your love life – or just increase your addiction to porn.
Zodiac_06-Virgo" Virgo: With your ruling planet, Mercury, in Gemini this month, your communications will reach new heights of verbal expression – just remember, the Russell Brand type of Twin energy will not work-out well for you in the long-run.
Zodiac_07-Libra" Libra: Sometimes your desire for balance and justice is imbalanced and selfish. Instead of going on strike for money, try restructuring the cesspool of misinformation.
Zodiac_08-Scorpio Scorpio: You stick-out like a sore nose, yet you hide in the galleys of sub-normal. Sure, you have no problem seeing in the dark, but even Ninjas have no way of controlling what lies in the night.
Zodiac_09-Sag Sagittarius: It’s easier for you to live-up to your Archer potential in the summer, but if you wildly aim at everything for your own ends, you’ll wind-up with a stock-pile of currency that means nothing and a whole lot of debt.
Zodiac_10-Cap Capricorn: With all the other signs dancing around in the Summer energy like fire fairies, you, however, may find-it difficult to breathe this month. Just remember, exhales are for release, not calling other people names.
Zodiac_11-Aquarius Aquarius: Others likely perceive you as a pillar of social success. What they don’t see is the chaos and transiency that intertwines your life like a ball of yarn covered in pieces of used cat litter.
Zodiac_12-Pisces Pisces: You don’t fit-in anywhere. That doesn’t mean you can fit everyone else into a padded bra or jock-box – or break the membranes of lemmings.

zodiac, horoscope may 2018, signs

zodiac, horoscope april 2018, signs
Mosaic pavement of a 6th century synagogue at Beth Alpha, Jezreel Valley, northern Israel. It was discovered in 1928. Signs of the zodiac surround the central chariot of the Sun (a Greek motif), while the corners depict the 4 “turning points” (“tekufot”) of the year, solstices and equinoxes, each named for the month in which it occurs. Enjoy this Funny Horoscope June 2018, and please share!
Jennifer Hollie Bowles
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