Trump proposes ways to increase his bargaining power ahead of the next summit with Kim Jong-un.
A White House informant has just leaked information regarding a secret meeting President Trump had this morning regarding the next summit with Kim Jong-un. He met with Jeff Sessions, Kirstjen Nielsen (head of Homeland Security), Mitch McConnell, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Supreme Court Justices Gorsuch, Alito and Thomas.
Trump began by stating how “enlightened” he had become during his meeting with Kim Jong-un, and how much he had learned about “what it takes to be a strong leader and make sure that your agenda is accomplished. I have to admit, I was impressed and more than a little envious.”
He went on to explain how his position was undermined, and what needed to be done before their next meeting to gain Kim’s respect. Trump said this was critical, as only he was in a position to save the world from a nuclear disaster. He then proposed a plan called “Trumptopia,” with the code name “Savior.”
The first step was doing something to curb the press. Trump explained how embarrassing it was at the summit when he saw the difference between the way Kim’s state controlled press and the U.S. “chaotic” press treat their leaders. “While his press praises Kim’s leadership, our so called free press is just a machine for the Far Left to take potshots at me. Their fake accusations make me look weak. They’re undermining my bargaining power and putting the whole world at risk. That’s where you come in Nielsen; I need a document that shows how our free press system is undermining homeland security!”
He then turned to the Supreme Court Justices and to McConnell. “I don’t care if it’s by legislation or executive order, we need a way to reel in that crazy First Amendment.” The Supreme Court Justices nodded their heads in agreement, except for Thomas who was just nodding in his sleep.
“Next, I have to show him I have as much control over my people as he has over his. Yanking children away from their parents was a good start, Jeff. He was very impressed with the photos I showed him of babies and toddlers reaching out and crying as their mothers were taken away. Get me more photos for next time, the younger the children the better. And I need photos of where the children are being held. Make sure it’s a panoramic shot, so he can be impressed by the number of kids there. And include some of that place that has them in wire cells with barbed wire on the top. If he sees that this is the way we deal with kids, imagine how he’ll think we deal with our enemies!”
Trump closed the session by handing out boxes of Happy Meals with the yellow logo smile replaced by the word “Trumptopia” above his own smiling face and these words beneath it: “Welcome to the New World Order.”
“Remember,” he said in closing, “it’s up to us to make sure that democracy doesn’t bring about the nuclear apocalypse.”