[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Other Amazing Things Trump Learned from Putin

Besides the fact that Putin absolutely did not interfere in our elections, here are some other little-known tidbits Trump learned during their secret meeting.

While most of the world was focusing on Trump’s revelation that Putin was a really nice guy with really nice intentions who would never, ever, ever, even think about meddling into our elections, little time has been spent on the other new facts Trump learned from the historic meeting with his new best friend.

Other facts Trump learned from PutinThe Gulag Thing

According to Trump, Putin revealed that the so-called infamous Russian Gulag famously written about by Russian dissident Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn was all a big misunderstanding.

The Gulag was never a brutal slave labor camp that the Nobel Prize winning author described. Instead the “camp” was really just a series of modest, inexpensive, rustic, resort cabins, sort of like a Soviet style Motel 6.

Solzhenitsyn’s bitterness and anger which led to his famous diatribe had more to do with an uncomfortable mattress that wasn’t replaced quickly enough, his unhappiness with playing golf in the snow, and the inability of the resort to supply his favorite dandruff shampoo.

Crimea

According to Trump, Putin said the Crimea controversy is fake news. The truth is that Crimea doesn’t really even exist. To prove his point Putin gave Trump a globe and asked him to locate Crimea. When he couldn’t Putin said, well that proved it and they both shook hands and agreed. Apparently as Trump revealed later to members of his senior staff Crimea is a made up place much like “Neverland” in Peter Pan. The whole controversy was created by a jealous group of investors angry that Putin has secured the rights to “Crimea the Musical” before anyone even knew it was available. Trump has happily signed on to be a major backer of the production.

Russian Nesting Dolls

The iconic Russian folk toy has magical powers according to Putin, at least some of them have. Based upon their new found bromance Putin has revealed the secret of the dolls to Trump, and he couldn’t be happier. It seems that in the right hands a gift of the dolls has a voodoo like effect of the recipients. Women who receive them will instantly fall in love with the sender. Trump has ordered two dozen.

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Larry Dell

Larry Dell

Larry Dell is a writer, artist and former public relations executive. He was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY and currently resides in East Orange, NJ. Previously, he was the arts and entertainment reporter for "The Local," a NY Times website covering several northern N.J. towns.
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