September 4, 2018
Dear American Voters,
After reading what we said in Bob Woodward’s new book, Fear: Trump’s White House, we Generals, Cabinet, Lawyers, Advisers, Aides, Chef, Calligrapher & Coffee Boy of Crazytown have decided to come to you now with our next step to save the country.
We’re telling you folks first, as Trump has you down as ‘In Case of Emergency’ contact.
I know this isn’t easy to hear; but it’s like in the play, “Streetcar Named Desire,” when sister Blanche was taken away to a Sanitarium – nobody wants to see her removed like that; but it’s time to go.
In the months to come, you’ll pick up your own copy of Pulitzer Prize Journalist Bob Woodward’s book & peruse what we said behind closed doors, who stole what off Trump’s desk & what we want in the movie.
And, of course; who said, “This is the worst job I ever had”, “He’s a f—– idiot” & “He’s just a dumb Southerner”!
Yes, we had to do a lot of things we aren’t proud of; but we want to be a Hero – not an Accessory! At least, that’s what our lawyers advised!
So, in order to protect our country from Trump; we & our underlings agree now is the time & hereby proudly sign.
Gen. John Kelly
Carl Bernstein, ha ha
Gen. James Mattis
& yes, especially VP Mike Pence!
If I missed anyone; she’s probably on a Field Trip with her kids.
Oh, we still don’t have Stephen Miller on board; but he did say something about washing out a few unmentionables & ‘Breaking a 50’ in the Caymans!