Nancy’s Diary

Recent entries from the diary of a Washington pol named Nancy.

September 1, 2019

nancy pelosi diaryGosh darn it! I wish those Squad gals would give it a rest. Don’t they understand? If we impeach the guy, then he gets to play the martyr and our chances next November are zero to none.

September 5, 2019

I can’t believe it. I’m keeping the hounds at bay and yet that guy in the White House keeps adding fuel to the fire. It’s as if he wants to be impeached. Maybe I should give him exactly what he wants.

September 10, 2019

I talked to Chuck in the other chamber and he agrees with me. There’s no point in rushing into an impeachment hearing unless the doofus does something so egregious that we can no longer hold back. As Chuck says, it has to be something the average voter can immediately understand like murdering someone or asking a foreign head of state to investigate a political opponent.

September 15, 2019

Gosh, I wish Twitter would cancel his account. He really seems unhinged with dozens of crazy tweets a day. But as nuts as many of them are, they don’t seem to amount to much when it comes to establishing an impeachable offense.

September 20, 2019

Uh-oh! It looks like some whistle-blower has called our bluff. Apparently the orange one phoned Ukraine’s president back in July after withholding military aid and asked the guy to investigate Joe to get some dirt on him and his son. We may have no choice but to go ahead with an impeachment inquiry now. Let’s hope the President can talk his way out of it.

September 22, 2019

I can’t believe it. The President actually publicly confirmed everything the whistle-blower said. Is he nuts or crazy like a fox? Speaking of Fox, even some on the network are calling for an impeachment inquiry.

September 24, 2019

Well, he left me no choice. An impeachment inquiry it is. I’m not happy about this but the facts are so clear that I have to do something. Just about everybody’s on board so it’s full steam ahead. All I’m asking is that we wrap this up by the end of the year so it doesn’t torpedo our chances of defeating the orange one next November.

September 25, 2019

The White House released a rough transcript of the call between the President and the Ukrainian president. It confirms everything we’ve already heard. I’m afraid I’m being played for a fool. What’s the secret plan?

September 26, 2019

This can’t be happening. Now it turns out that White House officials were burying the transcript of the telephone call on a super secure server so no one would see it. It appears to be a cover-up which means there’s no turning back now. God help us.

October 2, 2019

It looks like the President is trying to bring his vice president down with him. It turns out Mikey was also making calls to Ukrainian officials trying to get them to investigate Joe and his son. When will this madness end?

October 5, 2019

You know; maybe this isn’t as bad as I think. Maybe the orange one will screw up so badly that some Republicans will jump ship and there’ll be a conviction in the Senate. The only problem there is that Mikey then becomes President and that might even be worse.

October 10, 2019

Things are starting to look a lot better. One of my aides did a little research and it turns out that the order of succession for the presidency says the Speaker of the House takes over if the Vice President is removed. Time to start a separate inquiry methinks. President Pelosi. Madam President. I like the sound of that.

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David Martin
Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.
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