Exclusive Report: This discovery may upend current theories as to the reason that God created mankind.
Latest in the continuing series: Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network).
Bishop Goobah Duste, head of the Church of Slobovia Historical Foundation and Professor Emeritus of Thrxanytytre at the University of Assewippe, has recently led an expedition to the Sea of Crappe and recovered the long-sunken treasure ship of the famed Schnotzelvakian pirate, Sir Francis Cesspoole. The discovery may upend current theories as to the reason that God created mankind.
Among the treasures discovered was the original manuscript of the long sought after lost book of the Bible known as “The Book of Ugghhg.” The book has been touted as the definitive record of the creation and was thought to be written by “one who witnessed the creation.”
Also found were a couple other lost books that never made it into the Bible: The Book of Rufe and The Book of Phftt.
Bishop Duste dismissed the Book of Rufe as being nothing more than a cheap Sumerian pulp magazine with instructions on such things as how to change a chariot wheel and how to raise the dead. He stated that the Book of Phftt was nothing more than an Alexander the Great joke book, which includes such gems as:
“What did Alexander the Great say when he saw the Persians?” “Hi, Persians!”
“What did Alexander The Great say when he saw the Persians wearing sunglasses?” “Nothing, he didn’t recognize them.”
Bishop Duste states that most of what is written in the lost Book of Ugghg is about the same as The King James version of the creation. It begins on the evening of the fifth day after God had created all the birds and the beasts. He wanted something more, so he called together his creation committee of angels. The famed archangel Michael had given God the idea to make majestic things like the Eagle, Lions and Tigers. Another angel named Fat Willie urged God to create chickens, pigs, Collard greens and lard.
According to the book, another angel named Lutha, who had been tossed out of heaven with his half cousin Lucifer, had snuck back into heaven and talked God into making snakes and polecats. That night Lutha said to God, “Hey Boss why don’t you create something to make us all laugh all the time?”
“What?” asked God.
“Make something so dumb that he’ll screw up every thing else that you’ve created, and tell this dumb sucker that he’s in charge… make two different kinds of this thing, and watch them chase each other around!”
“Yeah,” said God, “what shall we call this thing?”
“Man,” said Lutha.
“What kinda dumb name is that?” replied God.
Bishop Duste said the book had been written in ancient Glopzudian and then translated into Slobovian, which could explain a lot.
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