[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Makes Contingency Plans in Case He Loses the Election

Trump’s contingency plans reportedly include escaping to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

An undisclosed source close to President Trump has given an anonymous telephone interview and mailed supportive documents to this reporter regarding the Trump’s contingency plans in case he loses the 2020 Presidential election.

contingency plans Jeffrey Epstein's private island
Trump’s contingency plans reportedly include what was once Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

Plan A involves counting on his supporters to fill the streets, AK47s in hand, in response to his declaration of a fraudulent election. With his supporters surrounding the courthouse, the Supreme Court will be asked to determine the true outcome of the election. He believes it is unlikely that the Right leaning court would uphold the election results.

If the results are called into question, Trump plans to extend his time in office by Executive Order while a plan to insure an “honest” election is set in place. If there is any vocal dissent or demonstration against his Executive Order, he will declare national martial law and, as Commander-in Chief, will enlist the armed forces to implement his order.

Plan A is, in fact, a stalling technique as Trump has prepared an escape plan since the demise of Jeffrey Epstein. Upon Epstein’s death, Trump, under an assumed name, purchased Epstein’s private island. Fearful that if Democrats were in power and he no longer had the protection of the presidency, that he would be prosecuted for the series of crimes documented in the Muller Report and other intelligence reports, Trump has been preparing the island as a refuge from justice.

Besides redecorating it in as much gold and gilding as possible, he has started construction on making the island a formidable fortress. A wall is being constructed around the perimeter of the island. He is thrilled, because now he can implement one of his favorite ideas that was nixed in reference to wall with Mexico. He will build a moat behind the wall filled with alligators and pythons. He has a crew already selecting specimens from the Everglades.

The wall will have multiple gun towers to make sure that law enforcement personnel cannot come onto the island. Worried that the Democrats might drop paratroopers to capture him, he is also mounting several antiaircraft guns at various places on the wall. He is also refurbishing an old battleship he purchased which will ferry him to his yacht in international waters when he wishes to travel to “safe” destinations, such as the elaborate mansion the Saudi Prince is prepared to gift him and the estate Putin has planned to offer him when he is named an honorary Russian oligarch.

It is now clear why Hope Hicks has returned to the White House. She has been busy interviewing young women who will be staffing the island. Trump appears to have learned from Jeffrey Epstein that this is best left to a female confidant.

Melania has been informed about Plan B and has indicated that she will not be joining Trump on the island, because she must stay behind to make sure that Baron completes his education, preferably through college and graduate school. Her staff has noticed that her rare smile had become more frequent until someone reminded her husband may, in fact, win the election. Despite her large monthly allowance, the staff have also noticed that she has made few purchases, including additions to her designer wardrobe. Her staff was initially concerned that this was a sign of depression until they heard that a woman with an accent had anonymously been making large cash donations to the Biden campaign.

Diane de Anda
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