Trump’s Impeachment Trial Attorney: I Got Nothin’!

Impeachment Trial Defense Attorney

Two brilliant yesteryear Comics parody Donald Trump’s 2nd Impeachment Trial Defense Attorneys, jibber jabber who come up with *Bupkis!

*Bupkis: Democrats chances of winning this impeachment trial… but have to go thru the motions.

Impeachment Trial Defense Attorney

I just happened to find this Trump Impeachment Transcript on ebay with the unlikely pairing of iconic Comic, Professor Irwin Corey & sensible-straight man, Comic Bud Abbott as Trump’s two Defense Attorneys.

Don’t laugh – it was free shipping!

PROFESSOR IRWIN COREY

The preponderance of libertine per carpe diem on rye eradicate the Neanderthals in lieu of brisket in every pot…I got nothin’!

BUD ABBOTT

Please excuse my colleague here – we got this assignment separately thru ‘Temps For Trump‘ & he spent all morning stuffing envelopes. 

Speak English, Professor – I’ll try to interpret!

PROFESSOR COREY

You don’t have to defend me, Bud – the facts of this case are under audit & will come out in 2030!

ABBOTT

He means we’ll get back to you, don’t you?

PROFESSOR COREY

No, I never want to see these people again – they’re looking at me! 

I want to plea bargain!

ABBOTT

You should have gone before you got out here!

PROFESSOR COREY

I didn’t have to go then.

ABBOTT

You better sit down – I’ll take it from here.

PROFESSOR COREY

I object!

ABBOTT

We’re not in a Court – we’re in the Capitol.

PROFESSOR COREY

Why are they staring?

ABBOTT

We’re here to get Trump off.

PROFESSOR COREY

And, he picked me?

ABBOTT

I think he pulled your name out of a hat.

PROFESSOR COREY

That’s insulting – let’s sue!

ABBOTT

Sue?  We’re lucky if we get paid for this Gig!

PROFESSOR COREY

You mean we’re doing this Cher-Bono?

ABBOTT

Where did you get your education or just watched the movie, “My Cousin Vinny”?

PROFESSOR COREY

Youse don’t learn anything from watching that.

ABBOTT

Yes you do – you learn about skid marks & that people don’t see as much as they think they see!

PROFESSOR COREY

That’s profound.

ABBOTT

Where did you pick up that fancy word?

PROFESSOR COREY

Oh, my wife said that during sex.

ABBOTT

Well, at least that’s positive!

Oh, whatever you do – don’t say ‘Trump learned his lesson’.

PROFESSOR COREY

Why?

ABBOTT

Have you seen Susan Collins lately?

senator

PROFESSOR COREY

No.

ABBOTT

Case closed.

PROFESSOR COREY

I want to see a Hung Jury!

ABBOTT

Don’t mind him folks – he was at a Club last night & got in a Nude Conga Line by mistake!

PROFESSOR COREY

It wasn’t a mistake – I went home with two of them!

ABBOTT

I thought you were married.

PROFESSOR COREY

She said they were profound too!

Bud, just wondering – why didn’t Trump pick your pal Lou Costello to do my part?

ABBOTT

Lou said, ‘You’re on 1st’!

Impeachment Trial Defense Attorney

 

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